In idiotic new ad, Rick Perry promises to fight war on Christmas, gays in military

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The past few days have been depressing for those of us who follow the political theater. The end of our wild and crazy ride on the Cain Train has left a giant vacuum as far as who can serve as the easy butt of our jokes. The remaining candidates — sans the clearly insane Michelle Bachmann, who we're all starting to feel more sad about than anything else — don't have the flurry of controversies or terrible ideas that our man, Herman "The Cane" Cain brought to the table.

Sure, you can make fun of Newt's clear and hilarious outward display of disgust whenever someone asks him a question, or Mitt Romney's constant shit-eating grin, or spend an afternoon baiting Ron Paul's insane supporters by hinting that his fiscal policies might not work as anything but theory. That is to say, there's still plenty to hate in the GOP field, but you can't really feel all that enthused about it.

Until today, that is. You see, Rick Perry just unleashed this doozy of an ad:

Two things to look at here: First, this ad is truly a work of art. It hits on just about every possible Christian-baiting red-meat issue there is. In fact, let's see if we can unpack and interpret all we have in this one:

"I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian" = Start off with the most universal of all Christian teachings, shame…

"but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday" = throw in some specifics to make yourself more relatable in a 'he's-coming-from-the-same-place-as-us' kind of way…

"to know there's something wrong in this country" = add in a dash of vague government-hating anger…

"when gays can serve openly in the military" = and, bam(!), a heavy dose of open gay-bashing…

"but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school." = and top it off with a large helping of false religious persecution.

"As President, I'll end Obama's war on religion." = serve it raw and in-your-face.

Second, and kind of unfortunately, this ad's probably a last gasp for relevance by a desperate man. If anything, this should be proof that Perry's the next one bowing out of the race. So, while there's still time to, let's all enjoy the few remaining days/weeks we have left on our terrible and idiotic ride on the Perry Ferry.