Is Kim Jong-Un really dead already?

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Kim Jong-Un

Rumors are flooding Chinese micro-blogging site Weibo that North Korea's chief dumpling-in-a-pea-coat, Kim Jong-Un, was killed in an assassination at the embassy in Beijing. The rumor has moved over to Twitter and to more traditional media, though it's as of yet unconfirmed. 

And, let's be real, it's probably wrong. If you believe everything social media tell you, you'll also be fooled into thinking that Justin Bieber is a god and that parties you don't go to are much more fun than ones you do go to. You'll forgive me for saying that adding "Chinese" to the equation doesn't exactly inspire more confidence. 

But, if it is true, it's sad news, and not just because the loss of human life is always sad (though there might be a footnote there in re: chubby sons of despotic madmen). It would also be sad because we haven't had enough time to learn about Kim's wealth of surely bizarre and troubling eccentricities. After all, his dad, the late Kim Jong-Il, was known for things like ordering Big Macs from China, kidnapping movie directors, and traveling in a private armored train, and there's a law of the universe that the kids of rich crazy people will end up one order of magnitude nuttier. (If you don't believe me, just wait until Suri Cruise is old enough to drive.)

Like everything the Kims touch, the news is peppered with bits of funniness. (Tweet of the day: "Kim Jong Un dead or Kim Jung Undead? Remember kids: spacing is the difference between assassinations and zombies."), but I still hope he sticks around. His death would not bring prosperity or democracy to North Korea, but it would rob us all of some mind-boggling stories about sexual oddities that we are not rich enough to even imagine. And we hardly have any pictures of him looking at things!