Ladies, Michele Bachmann wants you to make your own choices about your bodies

Pin it

….except if you're pregnant and you choose not to be anymore. Or if you choose to have sex out of wedlock and you choose not to get pregnant. Or if you choose to be pregnant and you also choose to have sex out of wedlock with your partner and a female Planned Parenthood staffer named Alixz while all three of your sweaty, naked bodies are writhing in an American flag atop Ronald Reagan's grave. Okay, that last one's kind of a stretch, but if those happened to be the choices you made, it's safe to say Michele Bachmann wouldn't take too kindly to those either.

While criticizing "Obamacare" on Meet the Press last Sunday, Rep. Michele Bachmann — who has notoriously advocated for a full ban on abortion, even in the case of rape or if the woman's health was in jeopardy, and once claimed that birth-control coverage would lead to a national one-child policy — opened her frosted, pink, Drew Barrymore-pre-getting-hotted-up-in-the-1999-teen-classic-Never Been Kissed lips to say something that, given her pre-established stance on women's rights, would make Betty Friedan roll over in her grave:

"We want women to make their own choices in health care. You see that's the lie that happens under Obamacare. The President of the United States effectively becomes a health care dictator. Women don't need anyone to tell them what to do on health care. We want women to have their own choices, their own money, that way they can make their own choices for the future of their own bodies."

Great. Awesome. Thanks for coming out every once in a while, Michele. It's good to see feminism still alive and well and poking its little head out from the Gopher State.