You know, as much as I like watching bad things happen to rich people, it's been a rough week to be a follower of Mitt Romney's campaign. His Twitter birthday party was sparsely attended, largely because his parties, hosted through social media or not, are notoriously terrible. (Fucking meatloaf, Mittens?) And his campaign in the South is taking a drubbing over his latest campaign tactic: talkin' folksy.

"Naow, thaht's a fahhhne Alabama good mornin'," he drawls in the clip below, sounding like James Van Der Beek in Varsity Blues. This is coming on the heels of  his Friday move of discussing his hearty Southern breakfast of "a biscuit and some cheesy grits," to which he added the standard folksyism, "I'll tell you." Oh, and he opened with "Mornin' y'all," which literally just made me wince a few moments ago when I typed it.

Pandering is one thing, but seriously, you're a shade from a bad SNL impression here, Mittens. Even with the stirring endorsement of former IBM employee and professional Southern reductionist Jeff Foxworthy, you're not so much pandering as you are caricaturing. Sure, it's easy to mock the South for their Obama-is-a-secret-Muslim beliefs, their ridiculously high rates of diabetes, illiteracy, and poverty, but I refuse to believe they'll be swayed by something as simple as the mention of grits and "varmint" hunting.  

Look, Mittens: talkin' folksy is an art form. Dubya, Sarah — these are the people you have to look up to. Study their mannerisms. Choke on a pretzel or two. Forget everything you learned in France and business school — none of that's helping you now. Pick up a copy of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof or watch some True Blood. Then give this another try. If all else fails, go for the coveted Larry the Cable Guy endorsement. He's from Nebraska, but you'd never know it.

Commentarium (7 Comments)

Mar 13 12 - 12:05pm

Obama can drop the "g" and be all folksy, why can't Romney?

Mar 13 12 - 12:12pm
undoubtedly emontifi

I can't say because he's black, can I?

Because he's Muslim.

Mar 13 12 - 4:18pm
Stuckina Parkbench

Dear Mitt: no such a damn thing as "Cheesy grits", they're cheese grits. And while we're at it, biscuits (and gravy) are a whole different breakfast from grits and government cheese. Looking forward to your "cream of wheat = grits" analogy at the next campaign stop.

Mar 13 12 - 9:04pm
has arertyp

@ meh: exactly. When Obama is in front of a black audience his manner of speech is clearly different than when he's talking to a white or even a mixed audience.

And it's not like he's the only one, either...

Mar 14 12 - 3:42am
Olivia Fields

Being one from a Southern culture, I can find humor in the faults of the South and awareness that there are dark sides of the heritage, so it takes a great deal to insult me. However, I find Mr. Romney's actions incredibly offensive. And it is not just the South he seems to misinterpret. Any man that finds this appropriate needs to see if they can become a little more culturally competent. And here is a tip, Romney: being diverse does not always make you likable. Just sayin'.

Mar 14 12 - 10:10am
Oh Man

Of all the negative characterizations of the south in televisions, movies, etc and Mitt Romney pandering for a couple of votes is where you draw the line?

Mar 14 12 - 3:07pm
So why is

Being rich a bad thing? Name me one homeless or on welfare Dem in any public office. Any lib who earned or inherited millions sure as he'll wouldn't turn it down. Fucking hypocrites.