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We all know how to spot a feminist, right? She (obviously, because men are not feminists, don't be absurd) is probably wearing something unflattering, for one thing. Like, I bet it's a top that doesn't let you really see her tits, like a crew-neck Lilith Fair t-shirt, and maybe like a denim maxi-skirt or men's cargo shorts. (No bra, natch.) Her hair will be unwashed, or maybe shaved off, or like blue or something. She won't be wearing makeup and you will have to look at her actual human skin, I'm sorry. And, most important of all, she will be ugly. Like, soooo uggo. She ain't got no alibi, etc.
But everything you thought is wrong, readers! Feminists could be in your midst right at this moment, and you wouldn't know it because they might not be busted. Men, I hate to tell you this, but you might be dating a secret feminist. Oh God, what if she's just in the next room? The call for equal pay for equal work is coming from inside the house. Thank God that Phyllis Schlafly, noted lawyer who believes a woman's place is in the house, is here to warn us of such dangers:
"Schlafly talked to a group of Citadel students about the culture of conservatism and the history of the religious right. She told the all-male group that 'feminist is a bad word and everything they stand for is bad.'
And she warned them about having personal relationships with feminists. 'Find out if your girlfriend is a feminist before you get too far into it,' she said. 'Some of them are pretty. They don’t all look like Bella Abzug.'”
How foolish we all were, to think we had them all figured out. The feminist menace is among us, friends, waiting to strike! And this time, she might be wearing lipstick.