We all know how to spot a feminist, right? She (obviously, because men are not feminists, don't be absurd) is probably wearing something unflattering, for one thing. Like, I bet it's a top that doesn't let you really see her tits, like a crew-neck Lilith Fair t-shirt, and maybe like a denim maxi-skirt or men's cargo shorts. (No bra, natch.) Her hair will be unwashed, or maybe shaved off, or like blue or something. She won't be wearing makeup and you will have to look at her actual human skin, I'm sorry. And, most important of all, she will be ugly. Like, soooo uggo. She ain't got no alibi, etc.

But everything you thought is wrong, readers! Feminists could be in your midst right at this moment, and you wouldn't know it because they might not be busted. Men, I hate to tell you this, but you might be dating a secret feminist. Oh God, what if she's just in the next room? The call for equal pay for equal work is coming from inside the house. Thank God that Phyllis Schlafly, noted lawyer who believes a woman's place is in the house, is here to warn us of such dangers:

"Schlafly talked to a group of Citadel students about the culture of conservatism and the history of the religious right. She told the all-male group that 'feminist is a bad word and everything they stand for is bad.'

And she warned them about having personal relationships with feminists. 'Find out if your girlfriend is a feminist before you get too far into it,' she said. 'Some of them are pretty. They don’t all look like Bella Abzug.'”

How foolish we all were, to think we had them all figured out. The feminist menace is among us, friends, waiting to strike! And this time, she might be wearing lipstick.

Commentarium (18 Comments)

Apr 06 12 - 11:05am
BF

Way to stay current, Phyllis! Calling a dead woman ugly is just so "mean girl", and referencing some one who has been dead since these kids were eight years old or younger means they probably don't know what she's talking about anyway. It's a great example of just how out of touch she is.

Apr 06 12 - 11:06am
JW

So let me see -- conservatives hate women and want to keep them down. Also, religion hates women. Thanks for the enlightened analysis. Very thoughtful. Very insightful. Did you give this a lot of thought? The average conservative woman is working (in or out of the home). Any conservatives at the "occupy" camps complaining that they can't get a job with their gender studies degree? Who were the only women who were respected and empowered at around 30AD? Christian women. Phllyis's comments are stupid, and any woman who takes comfort in them is equally stupid.

Apr 06 12 - 11:27am
In fairness...

...most feminists are pretty fugly.

Apr 09 12 - 9:52am
Huh,

A lot of the feminists I know are pretty damn hot. Careful with the generalizations there.

Apr 06 12 - 12:24pm
Kel

Feminists often forgo cosmetics and let their natural beauty shine through. And feminists often make the first move. More feminists, please!

Apr 06 12 - 12:49pm
Greg

Gloria Steinmen has a far more negative view of women ... her "one grope rule" in the workplace must be very comforting to "Feminists".

Apr 09 12 - 5:52pm
Sarah

And Greg the troll-master strikes again, leaving us liberals stunned into silence by his stinging truths.

Apr 06 12 - 3:38pm
lb

You know, I'm pretty sure I'm engaging in some variety of sexism here, but my personal experience has been that feminists as a group have been pretty foxy and far, far better in bed than otherwise. Any conservative, traditional minded women who would like to provide a counterexample to this, are, of course, encouraged to "participate in my study", but until further notice I'm favoring the lefty ladies.

Apr 06 12 - 4:42pm
BrosephofArimathea

I find anachronisms and brainwashedness to be turn-ons.

Apr 06 12 - 5:14pm
Frances

Wow, none of the commenters here have a sense of humor methinks. Regardless of your opinion, this was a funny take on what Schlafly said. Take the sticks out of your collective asses please.

Apr 06 12 - 8:46pm
Greg

No, not really funny, just formulaic liberal snipping that passes as humor by the humorless crowd. You can pretty much "mad lib" these sort of articles. I wonder what overpriced college this guy went to and dropped > $100k to write drivel like this?

Apr 07 12 - 12:30am
hey

conspicuous lack of photo documentation in this article

Apr 07 12 - 11:44am
M.

I clicked thorugh to the article because the headline led me to believe that whoever this Phyllis Schlafly person is, she'd be hot. Then I Google Imaged her. She's hideous.

Apr 09 12 - 9:57am
Huh,

She's almost 88 years old. I don't think hideous is the appropriate way to describe her.

Apr 07 12 - 7:54pm
Shannon

Oh no pretty girls are invading ugly girl territory..... What is coming of this world? (Sarcasm). Why can't both sexes just mate and procreate.

Apr 09 12 - 5:05pm
LT

Gee Phyllis, we finally agree on something! All of the feminists I know are hot, myself included. Beware, o backward men of the world, hot feminists may ensnare you at any moment...

...what a joke this woman is and the fact that she spoke at the Citadel is unbelievable. Believe me, Phyllis, when I tell you that no feminist is going to be at all interested in a man who believes what you do...so no worries, sexist boys, we don't want to waste are time converting you.

Apr 11 12 - 7:11pm
Shannon

Disregard last statement.