"According to biblical principles, a marriage is between a man and a woman. So we have to say, 'What happens when a nation makes a decision that goes against God's principles?' Well, often what happens is that nature begins to speak to us." Sage, if completely unfounded, wisdom from "respected prophet" Cindy Jacobs. 

In the video below, Jacobs connects many important dots in the latest acts by a wrathful God. First, the Arkansas city where all those dead birds fell out of the sky was called Bebee. The current governor of Arkansas? Also named Bebee. See where I'm going with this? Second, DADT was originally put forward by former governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton. Now is it starting to make sense?

Okay, idiots, it goes like this: God is mad that we repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell, because the more honest we allow people to be about their sexuality, the more likely they are to someday marry one another, in violation of "biblical principles." So, God decided to kill some blackbirds in the sky. He wanted to connect the bird massacre to Bill Clinton, because he introduced DADT, but he felt like killing them over Clinton, Arkansas would be too obvious. So he murdered those blackbirds in Bebee, AR, to connect them to the current governor, who connects them to the former governor.

Additionally, this prophet is a lunatic dressed in a purple leopard-print ensemble. I don't see how you could need more proof that God works in mysterious ways.

Commentarium (85 Comments)

Jan 11 11 - 1:50pm
Sarah

Well I, for one, can sleep better tonight knowing the mystery of the dead birds has been solved. Hallelujah! Although, I don't see why God had to kill the blackbirds, where the blackbirds gay?

Jan 11 11 - 2:17pm
Twolane

Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye.
Four and twenty blackbirds,
Baked in a pie.

When the pie was opened,
The birds began to sing;
Wasn't that a dainty dish,
To set before the king?

The king was in his counting house,
Counting out his money;
The queen was in the parlour,
Eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden,
Hanging out the clothes;
When down came a blackbird
And pecked off her nose.

Jan 11 11 - 2:22pm
BenReininga

"This prophet is a lunatic dressed in a purple leopard-print ensemble. I don't see how you could need more proof that God works in mysterious ways." -- well-played, Kelly, well-played.

Jan 11 11 - 2:36pm
..::bEEp::..

Hah, what an idiot! I laughed so hard, I almost peed. Without angels flapping their mighty wings, there would be no wind. Praise the lard!

Jan 11 11 - 3:18pm
Gazbo

"It could be" and "there is a potential"? Vile weasel. If you insist on casting the first stone, at least make an honest effort of it.

Jan 11 11 - 4:05pm
Jack

"where the blackbirds gay?" no Sarah they were black.

Jan 11 11 - 9:39pm
Bunny

Does the rest of the world not exist to this assmonkey?

Jan 11 11 - 9:42pm
Ramon

It is a great country where the insane are given access to the media.

Jan 11 11 - 9:46pm
Alex

Why do people give these morons airtime?

Jan 11 11 - 9:50pm
Moron

This God has rained fire down on cities, consumed nations with pestilence and plague, and has flooded the entire Earth. Now we are to believe that a few thousand dead birds in a square mile of Arkansas is his wrath for gays in the military?

In the US, we kill about 50 million birds a day just for food.

Jan 11 11 - 9:53pm
Del

As Bugs Bunny would say, "What a mah-ROON."

Jan 11 11 - 10:09pm
House

If you could reason with religious people there would be no religious people...

Jan 11 11 - 10:38pm
rejak

whatever you do, don't sell her a gun!!!

Jan 11 11 - 10:43pm
Masterskrain

And some people really follow this whackadoodle's lunatic ravings?
What a banana!

Jan 11 11 - 10:50pm
yomama408

I think he should've just killed all the gays. Then the poor birds wouldn't have to die.

Jan 11 11 - 11:11pm
S

what kind of unnatural marriage had to take place to create her purple leopard skin?

Jan 11 11 - 11:13pm
Joan Odom

This woman's ignorance (and her outfit) just made all my goldfish go belly up! Ooooooo Noooooooooo....

Jan 11 11 - 11:20pm
Njcronk

What did the blue sparkly leopard who died for her coat do, to deserve such a shameful after-life?

Jan 11 11 - 11:34pm
cynyc

God does follow the seemingly humdrum events of our daily lives. Specifically, He has moderately intense (not "flood-level" intense, not "fire and brimstone" intense, but still intense) feelings about certain legislative peculiarities of the United States and the implications of those laws on the daily life of homosexuals in the military. Being infinite in his longevity, he's had time to get used to the very idea of a military itself, whose purpose is to destroy foreign lives and property, he came to terms with a lot of the atrocities allegedly perpetrated and continuing to be perpetrated by the US govt's armed forces or contractors of the armed forces (c'mon guys, He knows the Truth...), and He somehow got over the fact that gays could actually serve in the military at all, as long at they didn't tell anybody and nobody ever asked. But now, with the elimination of DADT close at hand and the heinous prospects of gays being able to serve openly on the horizon, God just had to let his displeasure be known to us in a way that would be impossible to ignore or to misinterpret.... by killing these birds in a small geographic area in Arkansas. Just registering His two cents, people. He's not super-pissed about it, but you know, he wishes we'd reconsider.

Jan 11 11 - 11:43pm
OhMyGod

Well I know for a fact that abortions cause mass beaching of whales! Or is it the mass bitching in Wales? I'm confused now.

Jan 12 11 - 12:16am
ah derka derka

All I know from the currently accepted bible is that there are two books. NT and OT. The whole thing seems to be full of allegories and suggestions. Is it legal to perform sodomy? It is Lois...It is.

Jan 12 11 - 12:21am
ah derka derka

Everybody knows it was HAARP anyway....This chick is boobie hatch material.

Jan 12 11 - 12:21am
Imnotyou

Um, sorry, the Bible forbids anybody from listening to new prophets since that last one from about 2000 years ago.

Jan 12 11 - 12:32am
ah derka derka

Yes...beware of false prophets who come to in sheep's clothing...wool is very itchy.

Jan 12 11 - 12:49am
robo-man lovepatriot

Heed the message within the message! That our Lord, in His immeasurable wisdom, appointed this woman to be the trumpet that sounds that clarion call to the faithful, is no coincidence: She is batshit crazy, and apparently a god that communicates by killing flocks of birds is pretty fucking nuts too. Robot-man Love Forever!

Jan 12 11 - 1:11am
ah derka derka

Thus saith the Lord, I will strike down all your blackbirds if thy closet dwellers bring themselves out to the light. And thus thy annoying starlings will fall from the sky and die if thy men who prefer the company of other men give each other metal trinkets to confirm their love for each other. And so it is said that those who confine themselves in an underwater tube will be together in thus said underwater tube and bunk in the same bunk, thus killing all the fishes in the seas and rivers.

Jan 12 11 - 1:40am
Joseph

Is this bitch for real? Because if she is, this is the most hysterically hilarious thing I've seen all day.

Jan 12 11 - 1:56am
SharonJ

You guys are all so funny. This is for you: (imagine music, please)

"Why do BIRDS suddenly appear...Every time....you are near???"

Do you think the Carpenters forsaw this event.
And... Jesus was a carpenter!!

Christ, there are just too many really close coincidences here!!

Jan 12 11 - 2:23am
kipco

If God is the infinitely wise, most powerful force in all creation, would he really choose Cindy to be his earthly mouthpiece?

Don't forget Glenn Beck thought geese were a sign from God, too! What is it with birds and whacko Christians these days...

Jan 12 11 - 3:42am
MarkN

Don't you think it would have been a clearer sign if the birds ripped that ugly wig off her head? Follow my logic...
She looks like a drag queen...the birds took her wig... = God Hates Fags!
about a minute ago ยท Like

Jan 12 11 - 5:21am
oregon bird

Biblically, man and a number of women make up a marriage. And biblically, cheating gets you a death sentence - I can think of a lot of women - and a few men, as well - who'd go for that. All you xians, just remember: most of the reasons you divorced were not valid, biblically, and remarrying? That's adultery. Bible says so. And just so we're perfectly clear, adulterers also get a death sentence. So, if you believe in the bible, you can follow it to the letter. Those of us who think it's a lot of nonsense - we'll just be over here, gathering stones and getting in an extra load of firestarters. Just to help you out.

Jan 12 11 - 5:42am
mICHAELl

I wonder if this clueless dingbat realizes that gays were serving in the US military under DADT?

Jan 12 11 - 6:50am
verbalkint

someone should put one of those blue balls around her neck in her mouth and make her shut up.

Jan 12 11 - 9:34am
Thomas Peter Halley

Some of the comments here made me LOL ! Why have there been no "signs" in Canada and 26 other countries that have open gays serving in their armies ? May be it is a sign for America to get with the examples of inclusion and love that are being given by more inlightend nations !

Jan 12 11 - 9:52am
P.F. Bruns

The crazy is strong with this one.

Jan 12 11 - 10:16am
Hunh?

If this thesis is correct, why didn't it happen in San Francisco, or Provincetown, or New York City, or some 'hotbed' of homosexuality? Why did it happen right in the Bible Belt where NONE of the 'sins' this dumb $Dog-tard complains about are sanctioned by the government?

Jan 12 11 - 10:23am
Edith van Groningen

Does this woman dare to say that 9/11 is also a revenge of God? For what? How dangerous such persons, totally mad!

Jan 12 11 - 10:25am
Matuka

Holy crap! What an idiot! This can't be serous.

Jan 12 11 - 10:49am
spencer

god was just playing "angry birds"

Jan 12 11 - 10:59am
luc

what a sick ...

Jan 12 11 - 11:50am
einstein

a nice example of what is called projection :
in the same insane way as : god created man after his own image" :
when you are an indefinite jack-ass retard, you must assume that god is too !

Jan 12 11 - 12:16pm
Adrian

Folks..that is Nancy Pelosi.

Jan 12 11 - 12:25pm
thinkywritey

Nice work, my friends. Nice work. This long comments thread didn't at all go in the direction I was expecting, and for that, I am so proud of you all. :)

Jan 12 11 - 1:17pm
SwampGator

This is proving that the American dream still can come true.... a mentally disorderd person, a retard, that makes world news...
Ok you've had your 15 minutes of fame... take your pills and get back to the real world...

Jan 12 11 - 1:17pm
Nunya

If anyone needed a visual representation of what this woman's attitude toward her religion, and cynically using it to promote a political agenda, they have only to look at how she dresses. That's a Pimp if I've ever seen one.

Oh yeah, and by the way...Isn't religion specifically prohibited from pushing political agendas in return for their tax-exempt status? Such status should be removed from this church immediately, as well as bringing the full force of the IRS and federal law to bear against them.

To religions and the religious in the United States today: Long ago, we struck a deal. We told you that our new government is very important to us, and we would like to keep religion from trifling with it for their own benefit. In exchange for this, you asked that we not molest what is truly important to you: your money.

But of course, Christianity had been forged into an almost exclusively political tool by Justinian at the Counsel of Nicaea almost a thousand years before, and they just couldn't let well enough alone. Their overpowering conditioning to attempt to dominate, rather than co-exist has brought them into clear violation.

So. You want to control what is important to, and for us? Fine. Then we want to control what is important to, and for you. To paraphrase Ash, from the movie Army of Darkness: "Like in the Deal."

Jan 12 11 - 1:28pm
sly

Cindy's been waiting her whole life just for this moment.

Jan 12 11 - 2:14pm
wskt

Actually, marriage in the bible was between 1 man and a number of women. Or are we forgetting Solomon here. And concubinage was legal. And so was slavery. And if your children disrespect you, you should take them to the town gates and stone them. And false prophets.

Jan 12 11 - 2:55pm
Liz

We all knew it was bound to happen sooner or later . . . . a female Glenn Beck! The only thing missing is his connect the dots crazy board.

Jan 12 11 - 4:05pm
Dawn1257

No, lady. The birds fell from the sky because your wearing a mixture of fabrics! I know for a fact! I just heard from God! He thinks that is the most abominable thing he's seen anyone wear! He didn't want those poor birds to see it. So, he took them early!

Jan 12 11 - 4:35pm
Matt

I wonder if anybody told this fucking moron that recent massive bird kills have also taken place in Italy and Sweden. By her logic, one could only assume that these countries have also repealed DADT.

Jan 12 11 - 4:42pm
JANET25

Christmas is OVER........enough with the frigin fruitcakes already....and purple leopard print? FRUITCAKE,FRUITCAKE,FRUITCAKE.....how much FRUITCAKE must we endure?Id rather feast on BLACKBIRD pie!

Jan 12 11 - 6:30pm
Yall

Was she on XTC or something when she spread this crap into the world?

Jan 12 11 - 7:02pm
Bingo Haley

Her logic is straight out of a madman's nightmare. Her garb too. She needs help!!

Jan 12 11 - 7:55pm
Jack

what i think is not important... and so is what this crazy woman thinks not important.
if there was a god and he wanted to punish some he started with the pedophile priests first.
people like this cindy jacobs are dangerous.
what makes her think she speaks for god?
let all these extremists speak outloud, the more and faster people can see how crazy they are, and the sooner people wake up.
the days of the church are almost done... and im very happy about that.
the richest institute in the world.
let them help poot people and clean up the mess in africa for example.
than let them make all secret documents the have in the vatican make public.
will give a boost to human mankind... than we finally see we are all the same and that money stinks...
like the church stinks....
stop the religious extremists, than we have no more wars and can live in peace...

somewhere in the year 1050 or so there was a profet who wrote down all names of popes, till recent day.
the nazi who now is in control should be the last one according to his list... hooray for that.

Jan 12 11 - 9:55pm
Alex

"Additionally, this prophet is a lunatic dressed in a purple leopard-print ensemble."
Hilarious!

Jan 13 11 - 2:08am
Shadowolf

I've heard a lot of pseudoChristian BS in my day...but this takes the cake!!!

Jan 13 11 - 3:11am
Peter Rosier

She is an idiot! How is it possible for a human to be as dumb as she is....????

Jan 13 11 - 7:31am
Yerune

So, what about that whole inconvenient thing like "Thou shalt not kill". I'd say God had plenty of oppertunity to be a little ticked off by all those wars America has started over the years. How many people were killed again?

And that doesn't warrant even one little bird dropping?

Jan 13 11 - 10:07am
Jared

Ah, that's what I know that woman from - http://diy2.despair.com/spage/21204459.html

Jan 13 11 - 10:33am
Jumblerant

It behooves me to state, categorically, that the Good Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways. If DADT is the reason for the birds dying then so be it.

A clearer sign for people throughout the world might possibly have been that those gays in the military, whilst the country is at war, might have been slightly injured themselves. Or is that too obvious?

And I also had some voices tell me in a dream last night that purple leopard print is a sign of the devil - just sayin'

Jan 14 11 - 5:23am
sjaak

why is this woman given a podium to express her crazy ideas...

Jan 14 11 - 12:33pm
Me

Idiot woman.

Jan 14 11 - 12:44pm
Roland

The massive kills is not the punishment from God.
But SHE is. It is unbearable to listen to such rubbish.
I hope not all Americans are as stupid has she is !!

Jan 14 11 - 12:46pm
give me a joint

hahaha that's one of the reasons why people from europe don't like american's.
To much blabla.

Jan 14 11 - 2:22pm
Daniel de Boer

Here in Holland we are laughing our asses off too : )

Jan 14 11 - 6:43pm
Dick Stomp

The birds are sick of us...

Jan 14 11 - 7:00pm
Henry van Beek

Hilarious... In my country Cindy Jacobs would have been looked up in a psychiatric hospital, she's absolutely crackers. My condoleances to all sain Americans.

Jan 15 11 - 11:01am
Dirk

God is GAY

Jan 15 11 - 9:11pm
Kuma

If you use religion to push your political agenda, you don't serve god, but god serves you. And I've heard the punishment for that is a lot worse than a few dead birds

Jan 16 11 - 11:03pm
blabertruth

Poor God! He gets blamed for so many uncanny reasons.