News

Prophet reveals repeal of DADT responsible for bird deaths in Arkansas

Pin it

 

"According to biblical principles, a marriage is between a man and a woman. So we have to say, 'What happens when a nation makes a decision that goes against God's principles?' Well, often what happens is that nature begins to speak to us." Sage, if completely unfounded, wisdom from "respected prophet" Cindy Jacobs. 

In the video below, Jacobs connects many important dots in the latest acts by a wrathful God. First, the Arkansas city where all those dead birds fell out of the sky was called Bebee. The current governor of Arkansas? Also named Bebee. See where I'm going with this? Second, DADT was originally put forward by former governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton. Now is it starting to make sense?

Okay, idiots, it goes like this: God is mad that we repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell, because the more honest we allow people to be about their sexuality, the more likely they are to someday marry one another, in violation of "biblical principles." So, God decided to kill some blackbirds in the sky. He wanted to connect the bird massacre to Bill Clinton, because he introduced DADT, but he felt like killing them over Clinton, Arkansas would be too obvious. So he murdered those blackbirds in Bebee, AR, to connect them to the current governor, who connects them to the former governor.

Additionally, this prophet is a lunatic dressed in a purple leopard-print ensemble. I don't see how you could need more proof that God works in mysterious ways.