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Rick Santorum declares a “war on porn”

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Rick Santorum

In the latest leg of his socially conservative crusade against things that everyone really likes, Rick Santorum has declared a war on porn. You know, because he needs to win the youth vote. Or, um, maybe because people don't think he's a true conservative. Or, shit, he just really, really hates sexy things!

In a recent statement, Santorum wrote: 

"America is suffering a pandemic of harm from pornography. A wealth of research is now available demonstrating that pornography causes profound brain changes in both children and adults, resulting in widespread negative consequences. Addiction to pornography is now common for adults and even for some children. The average age of first exposure to hard-core, Internet pornography is now 11. Pornography is toxic to marriages and relationships…" 

And where did he deliver these words? Some place he has a home-court advantage, like a bishops' convention or the Catholic Moms Association meeting? No. He wrote them on the internet, the very patria of porn. 

Now, if there's one thing I respect Santorum for, it's that no matter who he's going to offend, he'll stick to his guns. His home-schooled, hand-knit frontier-frock-wearing guns. Just this week, he stood in front of a group of Puerto Ricans and told them that they needed to learn to speak English if they wanted to become a state — as per federal law. He was 100% wrong about the law, and came off as pretty bigoted, but my God, what chutzpah! (Or, as Michele Bachmann would say, "Choots-pa.") Most politicians pander to Spanish speakers in Puerto Rico and then wait until they're back in the cornfields of Iowa to talk about how non-white people don't seem American to them. 

It's worth noting that, in addition to the Spanish language and porn (which are merely okay separately, but together? Divine!), Rick Santorum has recently announced or reiterated his opposition to: condoms, sex for pleasure, teleprompters, college, and regular school. Four of those things are near and dear to my heart, another couple are pretty good and, well, I actually have no thoughts on teleprompters.