News

Rick Santorum thinks porn is more important than the economy

Pin it

Much like the average adolescent male, Rick Santorum thinks more about porn than the economy.

Santorum was recently quoted as saying, "I don't care what the unemployment rate is going to be. It doesn't matter to me. My campaign doesn't hinge on unemployment rates and growth rates." Then what does it hinge on? According to Santorum, “We need a candidate who's going to be a fighter for freedom. Who’s going to get up and make that the central theme in this race because it is the central theme in this race." For Santorum, "freedom" is more important than the economy. Santorum's vision of freedom includes infringing on the individual's right to love, making arbitrary pills illegal, and banning images that he doesn't like. Basically, Santorum hopes to base his campaign on defending his definition of freedom, rather than worrying about silly little things like the the unemployment rate. "Sorry citizen, I can't be bothered with how you're going to feed your family, someone out there is watching Big Sausage Pizza! Those MILFs are far too horny!"

Ignoring the whole "slippery slope of censorship" thing, I really don't care that much about porn as a political issue, considering the current economic situation and those "armed conflicts" everyone is always talking about. If you don't like porn, don't look at it. And, I mean, porn is cool and all, but it's not a necessity to life. I have an imagination, you know? It's not like the government can start imposing regulations on my imagined sexual fantas… be right back, I have a sci-fi screenplay to write.