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Washington state pharmacies no longer required to carry Plan B

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America's pharmacies are notoriously paradoxical. You’ll find beer — the thing that might lead you to forget to use a condom — across from condoms, dental-care products across from Sour Patch Kids, and cigarettes across from painkillers that might help ease your way through pre-hospice lung cancer. So you’d think that in a store that sells both good health and bad/stupid health, you’d be able to find the good cure to your bad/stupid sex life. Now, in Washington state, you’d be wrong.

U.S. District Judge Ronald Leighton ruled that pharmacies in Washington State are not required to carry Plan B, after two pharmacies complained that the requirement was an attack on their constitutional right to freedom of religion. (I, personally, never feel like a Good Christian unless I'm withholding medication from someone in need.) Leighton ruled that there are various existing exceptions for pharmacies: if, for example, carrying a medication increases the risk of theft, or if it involves excessive paperwork, a pharmacy is not required to carry that medication. Leighton further stated that, as yet, there are no existing exceptions for "reasons of conscience."

So, to recap, in Washington State pharmacies, you can purchase nit-picks — actual combs made for the sole purpose of weeding out crab lice (a sure necessity for America’s biggest sinners, adulterers, and vintage-clothing fanatics) — not to mention assorted shampoos for the same purpose, not to mention creams to flatten your genital warts, not to mention Viagra, so you can go around spearing whomever you please with ungodly longevity. But you may have to border-hop to Oregon to purchase Plan B.