Unidentified 9/11 victims cremated, sent to Virginia landfill, Defense Department officials admit

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Pop quiz, everyone! If you were unable to identify the bodies of men, women, and children who died on September 11, 2001, would you: A) bury them in a dignified mass grave like Arlington's Tomb of the Unknowns, or B) throw them in the garbage as if they were used paper towels?

Shockingly, some idiots in our government answered "B," Defense Department officials admitted today. Some victims from the Pentagon were cremated and then sent to a Virginia landfill. "We don't think it should have happened," said retired General John Abizaid — who headed an investigatory committee — in the understatement of the century.

According to MSNBC, the 9/11 revelation was "just two paragraphs in an 86-page report" examining the military's Dover, Delaware mortuary, which had previously disposed of nearly three hundred U.S. soldiers in the exact same fashion. If your eyes just popped out of their sockets, it means that you're more human than whomever allowed this to happen.

Abizaid blamed a lack of command structure at the facility, and promised that it wouldn't happen again in the future. Let's just hope that nobody ever has to worry about a next time.