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“Women support Herman Cain,” says Herman Cain website

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Herman Cain has what you'd call a "woman problem."

During his quickly imploding presidential campaign — which, let's be honest, is nearing its end point; we won't have Cain to kick around much longer, unfortunately — nary a week has gone by without some kind of scandal regarding Mr. Godfather Pizza's relationship to the ladies: accusations of a 13-year-long affair behind his wife's back; calling Nancy Pelosi a "princess" in a national debate; more sexual harassment claims than the final season of Mad Men's sure to have. It's like the guy from Shame is running for office.

So, if you're a Cain advisor and you have to come up with a way to combat this onslaught, what do you do? Create a web page, of course! A place for females around the country to show their support and encouragement, women that aren't those terrible trollops dreaming up false claims about poor Mr. Cain, which, even if the claims were true, should have just been good girls and kept their traps shut, seeing as they were honored and lucky to have been chosen for such a privilege.

At the "Woman for Cain" section of the official Cain-4-Prez website, ladies can record video or write messages about how the man's changed their life and his 9-9-9 plan is going to save the global economy. Or something like that. But if you do, make sure you post a photo of yourself. A nice one. Well lit. Maybe after taking off that sweater of yours, since it's so hot and all. And throw your contact information on there, while you're at it. You know, so Mr. Cain can know exactly which constituents he's representing.

[Oh, also: Those ladies with the thumbs-up? They probably never heard of Herman Cain when the photo was taken.]