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British website creates “The Wire” Monopoly game

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The Wire Monopoly game board

We'll never get over the end of The Wire, unquestionably the greatest television show of all-time and quite possibly America's greatest artistic achievement (take that, Ken Burns' Jazz.) We rejoiced when David Simon won the MacArthur Grant this year, an honor which he [Fixed!] should have received midway through the show's fourth season, which might've helped the ratings a bit.

In any case, a British magazine and website decided that Monopoly, the Parker Brothers board game, was no longer relevant thanks to something as eye-opening and slam-dunk honest as The Wire. Monopoly's old school version of American capitalism was more akin to the J.P. Morgan era in which it was born than to The War on Drugs and the other cyclical nightmares perpetuated by conservatives and big business leaders.

They present… The Wire: The Monopoly Edition.

Monopoly, the iconic board game that for decades has instilled the values of aggressive capitalism into the young, joined forces today with the hit TV show ‘The Wire’.

“Where the original game has ‘Community Chest’ and ‘Chance’,” [Hasboro spokesperson] McDougall continues, “we have ‘Re-up’ and ‘The Game’ which reflects the chance element of life on the streets. If you draw a ‘The Game’ card you might for instance get ‘Prop Joe calls a meet – go straight to Collington Square’ or ‘Drive-By! You get shot. Miss a go’ or even ‘Chris and Snoop are looking for you! Hide! Miss 2 goes.’

Two things seem to be missing from the board that seem essential: Hamsterdam and "Robbed Of Your Clothes By Marlo's Boys." (View of the other side of the board below.)

If you haven't figured out that this is satire, the last line of their announcement should straighten you out like a "Oh, do tell!" from an angry Omar: 

“We hope The Wire Monopoly game will go down well not just with fans of the show, but everyone who secretly wishes to be a poor violent black drug dealer from America.” 

Still, we would pay someone a sizable amount of money to make one of these game boards for real.

Monopoly board The Wire rotated