Crazy pageant mom gives new meaning to “vicariously living through your child”

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Of course we all suspect that many pageant mothers are simply reliving their lost youths through the beauty of their children. But this woman from last night's Toddlers & Tiaras has all the other tooth-whitening, spray-tanning antics beat. After admitting that she's spent 30,000 dollars in one year putting her five-year-old daughter Carly into pageants, she describes their connection like this: "I feel like her and I are the same person. We live the same life and we are best friends and I just feel like that is me on stage." Jesus, lady, it's "she and I," okay? And why are you best friends with a five-year old?

As a bonus, watch the below video to see the irreparable damage wrought on the psyche of this child. Carly has constructed a separate personality, "Darla," who performs for her. Her mother promises her gifts if Darla will come out and stay for the entire pageant weekend. Fast forward fifteen years, this poor child is a drunk, mascara-streaked mess, shrieking at everyone in the club, "My name is Darla, tonight! You all call me Darla!"