“Daily Show” and “Colbert Report” rallies to feature Jeff Tweedy, Sheryl Crow, The Roots

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Rally to Restore Sanity Keep Fear Alive poster

On Saturday afternoon, tens of thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of people will descend on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. That, in a nutshell, is all anyone knows for sure about the Comedy Central-led rallies for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. The highly-anticipated three-hour events, known as The Rally To Restore Sanity and The Rally To Keep Fear Alive, respectively, were combined a few days ago into one unified affair, yet we still don't know much about what the hell is going to go on there.

The Associated Press isn't able to find any more answers:

I'm able to confirm a schedule is floating around among the press that claims a 40-minute opening set by the Roots, followed by a Daily Show correspondent warming up the crowd, leading up to a 1 p.m. entrance by Jon Stewart. Among the names listed as performing between 1 and 3 p.m. are Jeff Tweedy, Mavis Staples, Father Guido Sarducci, The Roots and Sheryl Crow.

Other rumors I was able to dig up, none of which I believe:

An acoustic performance by Bruce Springsteen

An appearance by Oprah Winfrey by satellite

A comedy bit with a punchline involving a live appearance by Rick Sanchez

Stand-up from one of the Daily Show correspondents. Likely John Oliver and/or Wyatt Cenac

An even-higher degree of security after a bomb scare in D.C. yesterday

A problem ever finding the porta-potty, since few were secured in time for the event

This isn't even a rumor: you should fully expect unfunny members of the Tea Party to try to interrupt/disrupt the event at some point, although they are unlikely to make it to air. Also, the event is being organized by two former employees of President Bill Clinton… wonder if he'll be involved in some way…