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If you're a straight female and you hear that a celebrity you have a crush on has just come out of the closet, you generally have the same kind of reaction that you'd have if you'd heard, say, that your high school boyfriend who you haven't spoken to in years just got married. Initially, you're all, "Oh, wow, really? Whatever, like I care. Do you want to get margaritas or something?," and then twenty minutes later you're like, "Hmmm, I wonder if she's prettier than me. I mean, whatever, who cares, right?" Four mangoritas later, you're weeping into your glass, pondering what could have been and belting out "Did We Ever Have A Chance" from the rock band episode of Saved by the Bell. That's kind of a dramatized version of how I felt today when I heard that Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons came out as gay in the New York Times.
For those of you who don't watch Big Bang Theory/jones after thin, neat, dorky men, Parsons (who is currently starring in a Broadway revival of Harvey) is best known for playing Sheldon, an arrogant physicist with the brilliant mind of Nikola Tesla and the social finesse of an extremely stoned Mark Zuckerberg. Although rumors about Parsons' sexual orientation have been floating around the blogosphere for years (with his publicist continually refusing to comment on said rumors), he officially came out In a new interview with the New York Times' Patrick Healy, while discussing his role in the 2011 revival of Larry Kramer's drama on HIV/AIDS, The Normal Heart. Healy writes:
“The Normal Heart” resonated with him on a few levels: Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship, and working with an ensemble again onstage was like nourishment, he said.
See how he just slips it in there? That was a nice move, Healy. It's like if I just move on to the next part of the sentence, I don't have to hear the sound of thousands of nerdy little straight girls' hearts slowly breaking. I mean...whatever. Like I care who Jim Parsons dates. Do you guys want to get margaritas or something?
Seriously, though: provided that Parsons was 100 percent on board with the Times piece, it's cool that there's one more high-profile, out-and-proud actor out there, and it's even cooler that he's apparently in a happy, long-term relationship with someone (the Times didn't disclose who he's dating, but reports speculate that the lucky dude is an art director whom Parsons thanked in his 2010 Emmy award acceptance speech). Let's just hope that one day, someone famous coming out won't be considered news, and that the someone famous in question will be significantly less cute than Matt Bomer, Zachary Quinto, or Jim Parsons.
By the way, Jim, whoever your boyfriend is, I'm totally prettier than him. I mean, whatever. Not like I care, it's just that...here I am, all alone, wondering what went wrong/did we ever have a chance?