Colbert Report mysteriously cancels a week of shows

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"Mysteriously" because the people attending yesterday's taping received cancelation notifications over email after they had been seated in the audience. Which explains why, if you tuned into Comedy Central last night expecting to see an all new episode of everyone's favorite fake pundit, you found a rerun instead. And you will for at least the next week; those with tickets to any of those shows were sent the following message:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, we have canceled our taping for the date of your ticket reservation, Feb. 15, 2012. We are very sorry for any inconvenience.

What would cause such a last-minute change? A few theories:

1. Stephen Colbert has been asked by President Obama to replace VP Joe Biden in 2012.

2. Mitt Romney is holding Colbert's loved ones hostage unless the TV personality can teach him how to feel "your hu-man e-mo-tions."

3. Bears finally got to him.

4. Hardcore conservatives finally got to him. (After finally realizing that he was, in fact, joking.)

5. He's secretly a super hero, and our planet is grave danger of attack by aliens/Cloverfield monsters/legions of uranium-powered Romneybots. (I'm sorry, but until I see that man's hair move I will continue to believe he's some kind of cyborg. Prove me wrong!)

Okay, okay: none of those are true. (Shocker, I know.) Sources from the show say that the cancelations are due to an "emergency in Colbert's family," which is much less interesting and, more importantly, much sadder than any of my above hypotheses. Whatever the issue, we here at Nerve hope only the best for Colbert and his relatives.