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Jersey Shore Shark Attack is a real and beautiful thing

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Do you like sharks? Are you a fan of the MTV reality series Jersey Shore? Have you oft spent hours staring at your television, pining for a program that condensed your two greatest passions into one ninety-minute cable television movie? If so, that's… way, way too much time to spend thinking about both of those things. You should probably talk to someone about that. But first, check out the SyFy network's upcoming Jersey Shore Shark Attack, coming soon to a drunk college student's DVD collection near you!

The cable network has announced the cast of the 2012 film, which features some of the most renowned Italian-American actors working in film today. By which I mean that Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos (otherwise known as Tony Sirico) will be in it, as will the dude with the crazy eyebrows who boned Snooki (a.k.a. Vinny Guadagnino). Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas), Joey Fatone (N*Sync), Jack Scalia (Dallas) and William Atherton (the reporter from Die Hard) will also make appearances. It's a Christmas miracle, Charlie Brown!

If you are not already convinced that this film will be the best thing you will ever see in your life, up to and including the birth of your child and the welcoming smile of your heavenly creator when he greets you at the Pearly Gates, a photo of some of the cast (above) has been released, as well as a brief synopsis. There appears to be some subplot about illegal off-shore drilling, as well as a character named "Captain Sallie, the wise veteran of boardwalk life." This sounds awesome to the point of being physically painful.