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Today, in "things that will make you angry": noted blowhard/embarrassment to mustache owners everywhere Geraldo Rivera has apologized for suggesting that Trayvon Martin's hoodie bore partial responsibility for the unarmed teenager's death. "I think the hoodie is as much responsible for [his] death as [alleged shooter] George Zimmerman was," Rivera said on Fox and Friends last Tuesday, adding that it is "common sense" for minorities to avoid wearing hoodies so as not to attract outside suspicion.
After realizing that he had offended African-Americans, people who wear hoodies, African-Americans who wear hoodies, and pretty much everyone else on the planet (including his own son), Rivera took the weekend to go sit in a corner and think about what he'd done before issuing a public apology on Twitter. "Heard petition demands my apology to Trayvon's parents," Rivera tweeted. "Save effort: I deeply apologize for any hurt I caused-that is not my goal or intent."
Rivera's tweepology did little to quell the anger of Twitter users like @darealbootnelee, who eloquently summed up most people's thoughts on the controversy by tweeting back at Rivera, "Your a fucking Prick Son of a Bitch." That is because careful readers like @darealbootnelee know that apologizing for any offense you may have caused is not the same as apologizing for the offense itself. In fact, the gap between the two is almost as large as that between Rivera's thoughts before he spoke ("Hey, maybe it's not a good idea to bring this poor kid's hoodie into the conversation about this pointless tragedy. It could offend minorities, or people who think thoughts, or whatever"), and after ("Tee-hee, who cares about those suckers. OMG CAMERAS CAMERAS CAMERAS!!!!").
But let's hear Rivera out for a moment. Maybe he had more to say in his defense than he could fit in 140 characters. Let's see what he said in an e-mail to Politico:
Rivera said that “by putting responsibility on what kids wear instead of how people react to them I have obscured the main point that someone shot and killed an unarmed teenager."
Okay. That's a start. Anything else?
“I apologize to anyone offended by what one prominent black conservative called my ‘very practical and potentially life-saving campaign urging black and Hispanic parents not to let their children go around wearing hoodies."
I just... I can't. I can't do it... on this planet... with these people... anymore, or... whatever. I don't even know. Just... what @darealbootnelee said, Geraldo. What @darealbootnelee said so, so hard.