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Here’s an open letter from Kenny Powers to Tim Tebow

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I'm not entirely sure how to approach this post. On the one hand, the subject matter is a blatant cross-promotional tie-in for the third season of a television show, and as such must be posted with all sorts of caveats and self-directed questions about whether or not this is even worth writing about. On the other hand, it involves Kenny Fucking Powers.

Over at Grantland today, the website's hosting an "open letter" from Kenny Powers to Denver Broncos spark plug and God's Begotten Son Tim Tebow about how to handle all the haters, seeing as Powers has first-hand experience with being ridiculed for just being so goddamn good at everything. It is, as you'd imagine, amazing:

You see, Gifted Young Athlete, people look at us and they see all they don't have. It's like, "homeboy's over there gettin' 'er done! And Jesus loves him too! Fuck that guy."

But can you really blame them? Wouldn't you be pissed? Jesus helps us win at sports games, yet he's nowhere to be found when poor people need important medicine for their kid's infection, or when they're late on a mortgage payment. Think about it. There are folks in Africa who get AIDS without even being gay. Yet here Jesus is, helping me & Tebow out in sports, just because we're maybe a little bit cooler in his eyes. It's a raw deal, plain and simple. Even though he's hooking me up, I still see it's kind of a cocksucker move on Jesus's part.

Whenever something's penned by a fictional persona, it's not entirely clear who should get the credit. Was this the work of a writing staff? Or Danny McBride himself? Or him and director/creator Jody Hill in a room together? Or… who?

But it kind of doesn't matter. The tone is pitch-perfect, the writing is hilarious, and it has me nearly creaming my cut-off jeans for February 19th, when Kenny Fucking Powers comes back into our lives, downs a six-pack of whatever-the-fuck-ya-got, and whips our collective sorry asses for sucking so much. Welcome back, Kenny.