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Jon Hamm's dreaminess reduces Esquire writer to hysterics
By Rachel KrantzFebruary 15th, 2012, 1:15 pmComments (3)
Don Draper is known for charming the literal pants off the ladies. But Jon Hamm? Well, he seems to have worked his magic on Esquire writer Tom Chiarella, who profiled Hamm for this month's issue. The result was one hilariously tragic love letter.
First sentence in, Chiarella lets us in on the fact that Hamm owns four eagles. "This is really more description than metaphor," Chiarella explains. "He's poetry. Eagle poetry. Dark eyes, brightened skyward, shoulders flaring."
And don't get Chiarella started on Hamm's moral character. "He's impossible, because he looks good and he looks like he is good, too. He dangles victory from his fingers, as if he had a key fob for every circumstance, as if his whole world started with an on button that works only when he is proximate. He treats good-looking the way you treat your favorite sweater: He leaves it on without thinking about it."
Gotta love those invisible confidence sweaters. But for his interview, Hamm is wearing a shirt, and damn, does it look good. "His shirt hangs on him like a taut sail," Chiarella muses. "He shrugs like a guy who took a shower by walking through the rain."
And then it happens. Don Draper takes Chiarella into his ride. And it is one ruggedly sexy four-door sedan. "What he is, I decide right there and then — under the sodium lights, in the throbbing clutch of his sedan, beneath the bug-laden, bat-heavy night sky — is Paul Bunyan. There's hyperbole in the way the world regards the man he pretends to be. And there's a kind of tall tale in the grinding strength of his normalcy."
We wish we could say the same for you, Chiarella.
Commentarium (3 Comments)
I can't decide if the most awkward line is "as if he had a key fob for every circumstance" or "in the throbbing clutch of his sedan." But now I know that something called a sodium light exists.
I usually resist comment, but I think only an idiot would take this story so seriously. In the second paragraph I said he has a "robed assistant" who rotates eagles that look like him. I was sick of descriptions of how good looking he is, so i decided to plaster the thing with exaggeration. I understand if you lack a sense of humor about celebrities in general,I sometimes do too, but why cherry pick the article like this? The whole thing is a tall tale, told breathlessly because there's so little to be discovered about the guy. It was a send up and if you go back and read the first 500 words I think you'll see that. You can write me, tell me how much you hate it too, if that's your choice-- tom.chiarella@gmail.com.
tc
Looked up the credentials of Mr. Chiarella and thought well with his portfolio the editors of esquire sent him cuz he could get a good piece, not to write a bunch of robed exaggerations. Then I thought to myself after reading the article that esquire was screwed cuz deadline had come and they had nothing. Maybe some hack kept pestering mr Hamm in a first attempt, "so what happens in season five," "let's go down to a bar and have something brown while you smoke and tell me what happens with you and January jones" that's when they had to send in mr. Chiarella at last moment to get something cuz writer one failed bad or came down with brutal writers block cuz Jon Hamm was so hot in real life too. The biggest reason I am 99 % sure mr chiarella was brought in at last moment is cuz the horrible photography does not even relate to eagles, golf, Mercedes, Camaros, st Louis cardinals, geddy lee, the fluff about jon hamm not being able to read and
then( punchline)knock knock- who is there- jon - jon who- jon hamm i know how to read actually etc.....
This is an interview with Jon Hamm, and according to the cover he is an animal, but photog and your lAst
Minute interview over 9 holes of golf really was an obvious editoral debaucle. Geddy lee lyrics summing up Jon Hamm and madmen, why not Jon Hamm answering how he feels about Albert poujols leaving st louis. Get a grip!
Don't see how the photog even tells the story of this article. Props to Jon Hamm for holding the fort to
secrecy and truly not helping the real fatheads just roll into his life and bend him over backwards so esquire could shine on what as read looks like a editorial debaucal