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We first heard about Louis C.K.'s attraction to Trainspotting star Ewan McGregor a few years ago, when he admitted during the special Shameless (above) that he wanted to penetrate the actor "right in the face." Five years later, C.K. clearly still harbors these girlish romantic feelings for McGregor, admitting on a Reddit message board that he would "totally kiss him right on the lips" if they ever ran into each other again. Dear God in heaven, if you make this happen and ensure that there will be cameras present, I swear I will never ask you for anything else again.
While answering users' questions on Reddit today, C.K. was asked if he'd run into McGregor since the impish Scotsman responded to his declarations of ardor on a recent Conan interview ("I'd like to see him put his money where his mouth is," McGregor said, in an adorable Scottish accent that didn't not make me sexually aroused). "No. We don't do the same kinds of things," C.K. responded. "Unless he starts killing and stuffing homeless people I'll probably never run into him. I would totally kiss him right on the lips, though. Totally."
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie. Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah. Have you not learned any lessons from the internet on how to get in a famous person's pants? First, you write a quirky yet non-threatening song for them on your ukulele and you post it on YouTube. When their publicist catches wind of it, the famous person in question asks you out on Twitter and then escorts you to an award show or the Governors' Ball or a distant relative's bar mitzvah. Then you take him home and sexually manipulate him into living in your basement until he falls in love with you or escapes to the nearest gas station, whatever happens first. Take this lesson to heart, Louie, because if you have a dream, you're the only one who can make it come true. Never forget that.