America's illest AARP member, Betty White, is turning 90 on January 17th, 2012, and NBC has decided to celebrate our favorite nonagenarian's birthday in style by airing a 90-minute special celebrating the event. Betty White's 90th Birthday: A Tribute to America's Golden Girl will air January 16th from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., followed by a preview of B-White's new wacky hidden-camera reality show, Off Their Rockers, which features elderly people terrorizing the youth of America by pulling pranks on them. Yes, that's exactly what it's about, and yes, it stars a beloved film, radio, and network TV icon with a career that spans several decades. This is what happens if you make it in America, folks!
The special will be taped in mid-December at the Biltmore Hotel in downtown Los Angeles, and it will feature guest appearances by stars with whom White has worked over the years (like, for instance, the giant alligator from the 1999 thriller Lake Placid). Expect a performance of White's much-maligned remix of "I'm Still Hot," as well as probably at least nine dozen equally un-hilarious jokes about break-dancing with a hip replacement and prune juice cocktails. Oh, Betty, you were Rose Nylund on The Golden Girls, for Pete's sake. Back in St. Olaf, I'm sure you had way better material than the stuff writers have been coming up with for you for the past few years.