Resurrected pastor Ted Haggard can’t say no to “Celebrity Wife Swap”

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Uh, so this is happening: Everyone's favorite disgraced pastor, Ted Haggard, who made Jimmy Swaggart look like a choir boy, has signed on to appear in the new ABC reality series, Celebrity Wife Swap, based on the British show of the same name. He's dragooned his very forgiving wife, Gayle, to join him in this last-ditch attempt at relevance. 

The news gets better when we learn that the couple Gayle and Ted will be swapping with is the beyond-freak-show Gary Busey and Steffanie Sampson, the mother of Busey's nineteenth-month-old son. (After a beat, I remind you that this is not April first. It's really happening.) The show will begin shooting Thursday at the GLBT Pride Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

The premise is similar to regular old Wife Swap and works like this: Haggard and Busey will trade partners for a week, with the men laying down the law for their new "spouses" the first couple days. Then the women get to wear the pants. Busey is a born-again Christian and Promise Keepers minister and, God bless him, he's trying. I can't see him under Gayle's thumb, but who knows, he's sixty-seven and will have to run out of energy eventually. 

Haggard, who's currently ministering at St. James Church in Colorado Springs, and could easily be a poster man for Marcus Bachmann's clinic, told GQ this year, "I think that probably, if I were twenty-one in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual." After Busey, Haggard, whose dalliance with crystal meth and a male masseur would have qualified him for Dante's eighth ring of hell, should be a piece of cake for Sampson. The only thing that can top this is nothing.