Ellen DeGeneres is one of those people who absolutely everyone in America adores: parents think she's funny, little kids think she's cool, and even the breathtakingly hip lesbian couple in your social circle admits they jokingly sign their texts to each other "Portia" and "Ellen" (and, also, constantly fight over who gets to be Ellen). So when family-values group One Million Moms petitioned J.C. Penney to fire their new spokesmodel for being openly gay, people understandably got pissed off.
The controversy started after DeGeneres announced that she would be partnering up with the retail chain on her talk show last month. The One Million
Fiery Sexually Transmitted Infections Moms, which is part of the American Fuckwad Family Association, responded by urging its supporters to call the company and demand they replace her with someone straight. "Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their supporters are traditional families," a representative queefed sniffed, threatening to boycott the department store if they kept Ellen on as a spokesperson.
Unsurprisingly, GLAAD was less than thrilled about the One Million Moms' statement, and they're asking their supporters to contact J.C. Penney to tell them to stand their ground against bigotry. "Selecting an out performer who has inspired and entertained millions is not only a smart business practice, but a reflection of how LGBT Americans today are an integral and valued part of the fabric of our culture," a GLAAD official wrote in an e-mail to Radar.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't acerbically witty, biting political commentary or whatever, but fuck this shit. I know these idiots think that lesbians are compromising the integrity of this country's values and trying to make straight women think they can rock a fauxhawk when they totally can't, but seriously: Ellen DeGeneres is an American institution, and JC Penney should be on its knees thanking the retail gods that she's deigning to hawk their shitty mom jeans and Demi Lovato-designed tween eyewear. Please, JC Penney, don't pull a Lowe's and give into these assholes.