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Salman Rushdie hooked up with a D-list reality star via Facebook. Seriously.

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Did anyone else on this planet watch, uh… that show, that CW show… shit, what the hell was the name? Hold on one second. [Runs to Wikipedia.] Ah, right — High Society. Did anyone else on this planet watch High Society, that true train wreck of the reality TV genre that "followed" the "life" of Tinsley Mortimer and her "socialite" "friends"? (I'm not even sure how to describe it. Everything was wrong. The show had anti-narrative.) If you did, then you already know Devorah Rose, the ridiculously named social climber/editor of a fake magazine. If you didn't, this is Devorah Rose:

(I'm truly sorry about that. Also, in case you were confused, Devorah is the giant praying mantis next to the lady in the ridiculous hat.)

This seems like the kind of woman that celebrated novelist and Booker Prize-winner Salman Rushdie might, uh… never interact with ever, right? It's not even that I don't think they'd be into one another. It's hard to imagine they even knew of each other. Apparently I'm wrong, because they had a fling facilitated by Facebook, and when it went south, Rose spilled all the details to Scallywag & Vagabond:

That's right: noted man of letters Salman Rushdie uses emoticons, switches out numerals for two-letter words, and ignores the rules of capitalization. But you want to know what's even worse? Much worse than, in my opinion, being on a failed reality show? According to another Facebook message Rose passed on to the New York Post, Rushdie sometimes spells the word "hot" with three Ts:

A subsequent message from the literary ladies’ man, sent months later over Thanksgiving weekend, strikes a flirty tone, reading, “you look so gorgeous and hottt! see you v soon.”

Rushdie, of course, isn't pleased with any of this; in yet another message to Rose (seriously, stop messaging her) he threatened to "explore his options," which I can only guess means litigation. This could turn out to be a very weird hoax, but until then, there's an important takeaway from all of this: you may have thought it was basic humanity that unites us all, but it's not. What unites us all is text speak.