Seth MacFarlane will host the Comedy Central roast of Charlie Sheen

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I saw The Perfect Storm when I was twelve, and it truly scared the shit out of me. So many terrible things in one space, interacting in the worst possible way? This struck deep into the soul of pre-teen James. I thought this horrifying conflagration was pretty much relegated to movies about giant waves, but it turns out that there are many ways for awful things to interact. Take, for instance, the intermixing of Seth MacFarlane and Charlie Sheen:

Comedy Central has tapped the acerbically funny writer-actor-producer to host the ceremonious roasting of the former Two and a Half Men star. To get an idea of what we’re in for, here is MacFarlane on his acceptance of the gig: “I’m very excited to work with Comedy Central again on the roast,” MacFarlane said. “Charlie is a true icon with a talent that is strong and pure and concentrated into small crystals which can be smoked or eaten.”

Yup, the Sheen jokes are sure to crack you up!

No. Sadly, this is not high-school math, and two negatives will not make a positive. Since MacFarlane has pretty much one joke, I can save you the time and outline the Sheen roast for you all: anthropomorphic animal, fat guy, homosexual stereotype from 1955, something about strippers. G'night, everyone!