The Church of Scientology maybe, probably investigated the South Park dudes

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Matt Stone and Trey Parker

Digging up dirt on Matt Stone and Trey Parker? Just another day in the life of a Scientology private detective, which has now trumped "space cowboy" as the world's most hilarious profession.

Marty Rathbun, a former member of the Church of Scientology, has posted what he claims is an internal memo from 2006 written by the commanding officer from the Office of Special Affairs on his blog. Rathbun brands this office the "harassment and terror network of Corporate Scientology." (Also, they handle all Tom Cruise ice cream socials.) In order to "find a direct line" to Stone and Parker, the memo identifies some of the pair's friends for public-records checks. That list includes That's My Bush writer Matthew Prager, South Park writer David Goodman, Rebecca Romijn, and the always nefarious John Stamos.

The memo ends on the dejected note, "It is clear that this investigation is not going anywhere." Yet apparently the OSA returned to the investigation with a renewed zeal, later attempting to place a Scientologist mole on the show and sending PIs to case the offices.

The alleged investigation was started shortly after South Park aired its "Trapped in a Closet" episode, which mocked Scientology and Tom Cruise. The church has vehemently denied these claims, calling them "sensationalistic rumors." Spokesperson Karin Pouw had this to say:

"The tales told by the sources of this story reflect the type of mindset that resulted in their removals and later expulsion from the Church. They are neither current nor credible sources."

So, if I'm following the church's logic correctly, Rathbun was expelled (he says he left) for having a lying, spiteful, crazy-ass mindset. Maybe I'm just confused, but I thought that was a basic requirement for all Scientology members.