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As the elephant graveyard of network television, the CW is where old, formerly beloved TV franchises go to release their final creaky breaths before ascending to that giant Love Boat in the sky. In keeping with this tradition, the network has just announced that they've officially ordered a pilot for a Sex and the City prequel, more than a decade after the original series aired on HBO.
The Carrie Diaries, which has been in development since this fall, is based on the best-selling book of the same name by Candace Bushnell, which chronicles Carrie Bradshaw's teenage years. It will be produced by Gossip Girl's Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, and it'll join a TV version of DC Comics' Green Arrow and a reboot of the 1980s series Beauty and the Beast in the fall lineup. So let's just say that 2012 will be the the year that Having New Ideas is officially Over, like wearing denim shorts over tights and thinking Mischa Barton is sexy.
I mean, don't get me wrong; I, like most non-Amish American females, have seen every episode of the original series and both of the movies at least four times, and I self-identify as a Miranda who wants to be a Samantha who's actually a Carrie, and I will happily ignore that the jokes are vapid and the clothes ridiculous and the show's writers apparently under the impression that there are no people of color in New York, until the day I die.
But I'm not yearning to find out how Carrie Bradshaw spent her teenage years in a small New England coastal town, which is what The Carrie Diaries promises to reveal. I, like many non-Amish American females, have moved on with my life, and I suspect that former fans of Beauty and the Beast feel the same way.
So, in conclusion, ergo, in short, QED, et al, etc.: the CW sucks, TV execs should start coming up with new ideas instead of puking up old ones, and I'm not kidding anyone but myself, because I'm probably going to watch the shit out of this.