Whatever you may think of Herman Cain, it's hard to deny that his campaign made for pretty excellent comedy material. Which is why we were all looking forward to seeing what SNL would come up with Saturday night, on the eve of Cain's announcement that he'd be dropping out of the presidential race.
As the former Godfather's Pizza CEO, cast member Kenan Thompson appeared on "Weekend Update" to explain why he decided to suspend his campaign. After denying reports of an extramarital affair between him and Ginny White, Cain told anchor Seth Meyers that if he couldn't have the opportunity to prove his innocence in America, he may as well "go on and move to Libibia."
Cain also said that the media had "bent people's perceptions" of him in its coverage of his alleged sexual misconduct. "I'm asking all you ladies out there: instead of bending for the media, why don't you bend for Herman Cain?" he said, adding that women voters should "get down on their knees, open their mouths up wide, and say, 'Thank God for what's in front of me.'"
Oh, Herman Cain, why'd you have to leave us so soon? There are so many ways you could've embarrassed yourself further before you shut down the Cain train for good. You could've come out with a campaign ad directed by Roger Corman and starring Mark Block as a chain-smoking Nazi werewolf. You could've told CNBC's Maria Bartiromo to take her top off during the GOP debate in Michigan, or come out with a new 6969 tax plan (and no, I have no clue what that would entail, but I have no doubt Cain would). You could've starred in your own porn parody, goddammit, and the American people would have loved you for it.
So goodbye for now, Herman Cain. If nothing else, you proved that the timeless American tradition of laughing at the stupidity of others knows no political, economic, or cultural bounds. Thank you for bringing our country together again, if only for a brief moment, and please try not to stay away too long.