Last night, Lindsay Lohan completed the first stop on her much-anticipated "I'm sober as a bone Hollywood so please cast me in your next straight-to-DVD Cruel Intentions sequel" tour by hosting Saturday Night Live with musical guest Jack White. And it was… okay. Like, definitely not January Jones-level awful, but definitely not as good as Maya Rudolph's stint a few weeks ago either. So basically, in terms of the quality of past SNL hosts, Lindsay fell somewhere on the Charles Barkley side of the spectrum (mostly because neither of them can seem to figure out how to read off a teleprompter).
Although LiLo did a decent job in a number of her sketches — including a turn as Rapunzel in a Real Housewives of Disney sketch (below) — by the end of the evening it was another spray-tanned celebrity substance abuser who had clearly stolen the show: armed with a red plastic cup filled with "V8, Red Bull, and Jacuzzi water," Snooki, as played by Bobby Moynihan, showed up on Weekend Update to address the recent rumors that she's with child, followed by a surprise guest appearance by the baby's father, played by… well, I won't spoil it for you. Suffice to say that the parallels between Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and a certain hard-drinking, rakish ad executive have never been so clear to me as they are now.