World dominator Mark Zuckerberg delivered the keynote address at Facebook's annual f8 conference today, where we learned that the social-media behemoth has now surpassed the 800-million-user mark. Zuckerberg announced a significant redesign of users' personal pages, and introduced a new feature called Timeline, which helps people share life stories with friends online, and an updated Open Graph, allowing users to see and hear music and movies their friends are into.
Zuckerberg was introduced by his other other alter ego, Andy Samberg, who was returning the favor after Zuckerberg made a memorably stiff appearance on SNL back in January. Samberg, as "Zuck Dawg," introduced new features like the "I'm Not Really Friends With These People" feature, that allows one to relegate awkward "friends" to their own area, and the "Slow-Poke," a twenty-four-hour safety feature for drunk pokers.
Towards the end, Samberg pulled out his Jesse Eisenberg impression and, I swear, as I was watching it I thought, imagine if he pulls out the Mark Wahlberg impression. And sure enough. No Nic Cage though. The real Zuckerberg actually makes the cheesy, pre-scripted banter worse with his stiff anti-charisma. He quite possibly could be the world's worst actor, if he ever were to go that route.