The internet is an amazing tool for achieving awesome things that you didn't even know you wanted to happen, like Betty White hosting SNL. Well, here comes another weird campaign with an even weirder request: make South Park's anthropomorphic piece of fecal matter, Mr. Hankey, the official mascot of rectal cancer.
One cancer patient, Michelle L. Dobrawsky, wrote a hilarious letter aimed at Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and she makes some pretty good points. Rectal cancer lacks the dainty pinkness of breast cancer and it's clearly tough to market awareness. It doesn't even get a ribbon! So surely it deserves a spokesturd. According to her plea:
I propose promoting and licensing Mr. Hankey as the official ambassador for rectal cancer. I can’t think of a more appropriate spokesturd. As a rectal cancer patient, I spend a lot of time focusing on that particular area, and its particular output. And to generate, painlessly, productively and naturally, a perfect Mr. Hankey, is the goal of my treatment. (That, and not dying.)
Howdy ho, internet. Let's make this happen!