Blah blah blah Facebook IPO blah blah blah. What you need to know: the company's initial public offering, announced today, could value the site at between $75 and $100 billion dollars, which would be one of the largest U.S. stock-market debuts of all time.
Unfortunately, you're not going to get rich for having a Facebook account when the monolithic oversharing-enabler finally goes public, so suck it up, you dirty poor. But you know who will? Bono!
That's right, everyone's favorite self-satisfied, extraordinarily wealthy Irishman will become exponentially more self-satisfied and extraordinarily wealthy when Facebook goes public. That's because he owns roughly 1.5% of Facebook through his investment firm, Elevation Partners. Goldman Sachs and their clients also stand to profit handsomely. So don't worry: the rich are going to be fine.
Naturally, the company chose "FB" as its ticker symbol, but it hasn't decided whether to trade on the New York Stock Exchange or the Nasdaq Stock Market. You're all a-tingle with speculation, I know. But for those of you worried about "success" will "change" "Facebook," don't "be." In a letter to potential shareholders, Zucks wrote:
We don't build services to make money; we make money to build better services. These days I think more and more people want to use services from companies that believe in something beyond maximizing profits.
Mmm. Nothing gets me all warm and fuzzy like boilerplate magnanimity from the world's richest hoodie enthusiast. Zuckerberg would be so much more interesting if he were a flamboyant tycoon like Richard Branson or an insane one like Rupert Murdoch.