Earlier this week, Gawker began to publish articles from a purported mole at Fox News. The Fox News mole, or as I like to call him, "Shallow Throat," opened by leaking a video where Mitt Romney went on at length about the various breeds of dressage horses and his preference thereof.
The mole has since been caught, suspended, and revealed as Joe Muto, an associate producer for The O'Reilly Factor. Fox claims that Muto was fingered as the mole within twenty-four hours of his first posting.
His "leaks" weren't really notable. The most shocking thing Muto posted was something about Bill O'Reilly pooping, shocking because I thought most of his excretions were verbal.
After being caught yesterday, Muto promised more scandalous information to be released today, saying, "I am a weasel, a traitor, a sell-out and every bad word you can throw at me… but as of today, I am free, and I am ready to tell my story, which I wasn't able to fully do for the previous 36 hours. Stay tuned for much, much more tomorrow." I personally was waiting with bated breath for some huge revelation. Maybe Sean Hannity has a pet centaur, or maybe Neil Cavuto discovered the Higgs boson. What if Greta Van Susteren was Thomas Pynchon? But no. All Muto could "leak" was that Fox News might be kind of biased, like when the MTV employee leaked that they don't play music anymore. Thanks, Joe.
Just for the record, if anyone wants all of Nerve's secrets, I'm cheap, and I have literally no values. Hit me up.