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Every few weeks, NYC nightlife correspondent Stefon Zelonsky (played by Bill Hader) will make an appearance on SNL's Weekend Update, and momentarily make us forget about the show's terrible host/musical sketch/new Kristen Wiig character. As the city's foremost expert on all things beautiful, rich, and very, very dirty, Stefon has everything: Ed Hardy-designed shirtsleeves, an Adam Lambert haircut, a not-so-secret crush on host Seth Meyers and a bad case of Jimmy Fallon Syndrome (it's that thing where you somehow make breaking character in every other sketch seem oh-so-adorable).
Considering the character's enduring popularity, it makes sense that some enterprising young artist would produce an illustrated guide to the dens of debauchery Stefon so gleefully describes in his Weekend Update segments. And that's exactly what Splitsider's crack team of artists did.
So if you're looking for a reason to burst into uncontrollable peals of laughter on the subway tomorrow morning while your fellow commuters look at you nervously and ponder whether you have ten pounds of explosives strapped to your chest, look no further! Check out these sketches of New York's hottest clubs. (And yes, in case you're wondering, that is indeed a pictorial depiction of a sheepdog that looks like Bruce Vilanch. The internet truly is a place where your wildest dreams come true.)