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Highs And Lows: Sex with Christine O’Donnell

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Mario Bros. 25th Anniversary Princess Peach

Did you know it's the 25th anniversary of Super Mario Bros.? It has nothing to do with this post, but I just thought I'd remind you: you're old.

 

HIGHS:

"Gimme a break…I share my religious views, my moral views, my feelings about sex, drugs, and rock and roll with my kids…why on earth wouldn't I expose my child to my political viewpoints? Its not like the kids in the pictures are waving dead fetus signs! As for me, I'm proudly raising three open-minded democrats thank you very much!"

"That is probably one of the greatest things I have ever seen."

"Did you hear Bill Hader's Alan Alda? Flawless. I don't miss Rich Little at all."

"Great, does this mean politicians are going to start sending me annoying gaming requests in exchange for their votes now in addition to the postcards I burn in my fire-pit and the annoying robocalls I shout harsh words at?"

"27 gurns is pretty impressive, but i'd be really impressed if she could gurn for 127 hours while cutting her arm off."

"I always figured they got more. I mean, I never got the impression they went in for a lot of courtship and foreplay. More likely, they just got down to it."

 

Pompoms

LOWS:

"I thought that was a picture of Jesus blessing the Death Star at first."

"Wouldn't more guns help?"

"With a pair of velcro gloves in hand a Wellingtons on foot, anything becomes possible."

"Yikes! Same age as my daughter. Pardon me while I go hit the liquor cabinet and try to stop thinking about that."

"It illustrates again what a narcissist Bush is. You'd think the worst moment of his presidency would be when he realized there were no WMDs in Iraq, or when he saw the devastation after Katrina or the pictures from Abu Ghraib, but no, the worst moment of his presidency had NOTHING to do with the realization he had made a mistake or with the suffering of others; it had to do with being "unfairly" insulted on TV. He doesn't get it. He never got it. If he lives to a 100, he'll never get it."

"Great, now I'm going to dream about having sex with Christine O'Donnell and my genitalia snapping off. However if I can get away before she eats me, with the second set intact, I suppose that won't be so bad."

"They actually stole all these jokes from someecards.com! I thought I recognised them."