News

Highs And Lows: The “bits and pieces” of Mila Kunis

Pin it

Math bitches

Once again, presenting the best comments on the highlights and lowlights from this week's news:

 

HIGHS:

On the Dutch marijuana crackdown: "I'm sure shutting down legal venues will get those damn crooks out of the business."

On the upcoming movie The Beaver: "Here I thought a movie about Jodie Foster's beaver would be something that I actually wanted to watch. Now I learn that the furry little devil is actually Mel Gibson's beaver. Have you no shame, Jody?"

On the Queen's undies: "How did Mr Dobronyi get his paws on Her Majesty's unmentionables? On second thought, I'm afraid to ask."

On atheism vs. Christianity (again): "Theoretically, Ellie could have proven she loved her dad – a scan of her brain and read-out of her vital signs while looking at a picture of her dad and then photos of random strangers should be sufficient (the differences between the two should include her 'love' even if neuroscience isn't advanced enough to pick out the individual components of such an emotion)."

On a Nintendo marriage proposal: "'Are you serious? Are you screwing on me?' 'I'm gonna marry this stupid jerk!' They make a lovely threesome. The best part was Soulja Boy at the end."

On a politician standing up for gay rights: "As a non-believer, I was moved and astounded to hear a Baptist coming out in favour of fairness and equality for gay citizens. This man has a big heart. I am impressed that he understands America is supposed to be the Land of the Free. Free to believe, free to choose, free to practice one's worldview. That goes no matter your sexual orientation."

 

Facebook profile meme

LOWS:

On the couple who crowdsourced their abortion decision: "If they no had any love for this child at all, they would make the child available for adoption. But of course if they had any love for this child, they wouldn't have pulled this vile stunt in the first place."

On NC-17 ratings: "This is America; we believe in free markets. Why don't we set up an alternative rating scheme to compete with MPAA's? It could be based on actual, specific values based on content rather than the biassed and unaccountable opinions of six randomly-chosen idiots."

On Missed Corrections: "'A pretentious academic'…with more free time than a quadriplegic doing life in prison. Good luck with that, buddy."

On Mila Kunis: "i'd be the happiest man ever to see her, 'bits and pieces'… too bad she is with that loser from home alone, his heart belongs to michael jackson."

On Julian Assange: "You know, much as this is likely to bring on a global cold war, it's actually a ton of fun to watch."

On Julian Assange's arrest: "Oh yeah, Frank. Because this guy is totally going to get a fair trial and all, what with pissing off so many governments."