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Insane email from future mother-in-law goes viral
By James Brady RyanJuly 1st, 2011, 11:30 amComments (68)
Carolyn Burne, a very proper and manners-focused English woman, probably did not expect her email to her future daughter-in-law, Heidi Winters, to go viral. Most email correspondences don't, after all; it's just some random person's random message to some other random person, after all. Which is probably why she felt so free to be so terrible and snobbish while schooling Heidi on her manners. Which is why the email has blown up to appear in several legitimate U.K. papers (and the Daily Mail). I have no idea why this email, out of all in the world, has gotten huge, but it is an amusing and kind of horrifying read. Here's the most complete version of the missive:
It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.
Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.
If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.
Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.
Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:
- When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else. You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
- When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.
- You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
- You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.
- You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
- No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)
If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
Oh man, I bet Christmas is going to be super fun for all involved!
When I first read this letter, I kind of thought Carolyn might have a point at certain moments: mostly the first point, which sounds like the kind of annoying table manners that, well, annoy me. Just try and be gracious to your hosts, you know? But then I realized that I can't trust the word picture this woman is painting with her anger words at all, because she says things like "Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you" and "there are plenty of finishing schools around."
And if we're talking about manners, isn't kind of uncouth to mock someone's parents for their financial status? (Which she does, even though she pretends not to.) Or to, you know, send an email like this in the first place? Whatever happened to good old shit talking behind someone's back? That's how a truly traditional family takes care of these things, Carolyn.
Commentarium (68 Comments)
not going to lie, the future daughter in law does sound like a bitch. After all, manners DO get you far in life, especially if you're going to marry a posh-sounding family like the Bournes
I'm sorry, but all but 1 of the complaints in that thing, do not make her a bitch.
And we dont know what insult, if any, that she used.
It sounds like Freddie is marrying someone who's almost as rude and uncouth as his mother ...
"mother" should read "stepmother".
I'm with you. The future daughter-in-law sounds like a spoiled brat. I gather the writer is no prize but her criticisms are, by and large, on point.
Well, I have to admit, the first suggestion was a bit rude on the future mother-in-law's part. The young lady she was writing to is diabetic, and therefor has limitations as to what she can and cannot eat.
You know that family name was probably originally "Burns" and they uptowned it!
"Uptowned" is my new favorite verb
haha uptowned..that was good
stealing that.
These two will get along fine, they both sound like awful people who can't stand to have things other than their way. Unstoppable force meets unmovable shield?
immovable?
Immovable object, maybe?
Boooo... Urns!
future mil is correct on many counts, but no matter how right correcting someone else's manners is the height of rudeness.
Needs more Matt Damon.
agreed
Yeah but Matt Damon is a tool. He'd no doubt merit his own biach email.
Is MIL Bourne the only voice, or is there a conspiracy?
Yup, agree with mom-in-law's sentiments if not presentation. Daughter-in-law doesn't actually know how to behave.
I don't know how you came to that conclusion
I agree. D-i-l needs to get a clue.
No, no, no. This MiL is an absolute witch. The DiL has diabetes which explains why she's picky about the food she can eat (missing from this version). All the MiL has done is prove how unclassy and snobby she actually is and IMHO the DiL should run to the hills before it's too late. Jesus, I'd forgotten that we still had idiots like this around, straight out the 1950s.
Incidentally, the DiL's dad has gone on record to state that "her [MiL's] head is so far up her arse she doesn't know whether to speak or fart".
The diabetes completely changes the tone of the whole thing. MiL is a real douchebag.
We can only comment based on what we see. Why do you think the d-i-l is diabetic?
It's been reported as such in the English press.
Still. That castle bit sounds unrescueable.
I have to say... it's in poor taste and sets a negative precedent to send a future family member this email, but the same is true of forwarding the email to apparently the entire world. Seriously, who does that? Be the bigger person! Your correspondence being published in newspapers, humiliating your future mother-in-law, doesn't make you look great. It makes you look immature and like there just might be truth to the email.
well said!
There are certain rules of etiquette that apply to hosts as well...and it appears that Lady Carolyn has broken a few of them.
I agree with MIL. Apparently this future daughter in law has had no adult supervision in her life to advice her what is proper behavior. She is self centered / full of herself / boorish. Common decency is easy to come, if not just by being mindful of others. I suppose by broadcasting the email internationally, she has decided to pick up the entire cost of the wedding herself and un-invite the grooms family. MIL should make a short trip to her attorney to amend her will.
Sick twisted stuck up condescending patronising Slag
*gazing deep into a crystal ball*
I see a messy and expensive divorce in the future.
By the way, the movie that's shown in that photo, "Monster-in-Law," is the single worst film I have ever seen.
Meh,
They both sound like useless people. Im sure the MiL is posh by credit and the DiL thinks she pisses gold and shits rainbows. I can not say I would like to spend too much time with either of these people. My manners may not be 100% prim and proper but I know twat when I see it!
Look at all you clueless peasants. Most of you haven't the slightest idea what class is let alone understand why this letter is perfectly appropriate. Only self centered classless cowards speak about someone behind their back and not to their face. This mother in law is straightforward and to the point and obviously has enough class to not bring the misdeeds to light in front of everyone else. I pray for Freddie the poor git, because the deluded beast he is betrothed to will drag him down to her level and ruin him emotionally and physically(monetarily) and the only person who sees this(in their family) is the mother.
you sound like tons of fun.
Shut up snob
"Only self centered classless cowards speak about someone behind their back and not to their face."
She send her future daughter- in-law a fucking email. the MiL has no class to speak of. She is Hyacinth Bucket. (Please google, American friends)
Si you hit it on the head (except for not knowing we see Hyacinth on our TV over here in the Colonies). The MiL is clearly one generation away from not having money herself, and there's nothing that class of people detest and fear but someone who is an echo of what they used to be.
Wow OK man that looks like its gonna be good!
www.total-privacy.se.tc
Whenever I see Bourne I thInk her family is made of spies
Neither of the two sound wonderful, but if I were the son, my future wife would probably be a breath of fresh air, compared to the mother's snide behavior.
what a stuckup bitch
Is this battle a new thing? I thought all mother-in law/daughter-in-law relationships automatically came with strife. May the biggest bitch win....and the guy loses either way.
if DIL came to my house and did what is claimed i cant say id like her either and MIL should have spoken with DIL in private and with tact , talk about making a mountain into a mole hill i wouldnt have either around
Who writes a handwritten letter anymore after staying at someones house?, come on people save trees.
Who the hell cares about this!
it's Obama's fault!!
Poor Guy in the middle of these!
This woman is a snob. A woman of good breeding would never have written a letter like the one she has.
Good breeding and manners mean gentility and kindness, neither of which this dreadful woman has.
How very fortunate for Freddie that he has found a way to escape.
It is interesting that men seem to pick one of two types of women when they marry, at least it often seems that way. It seems men frequently fall in love with either a woman who reminds them of their mother, or a woman that is the complete opposite. Freddie's choice is obvious. The thing is, both his mother and his bride-to-be seem to be extreem in their personality type, making the divide seem even wider. They both seem to be unpleasant, they just use opposite toxic-behavior.
I hate that this further exploits the belief that the mother-in-law is always a bitch. As much as I dislike using platitudes, I do love my daughter-in-law as if she was my own child, and she loves me as well, and expresses it in many sweet and consistant ways.
I think "Freddie" has done an excellent job of pissing his mother off. There's an issue or two hanging there.
The mother in law is actually the stepmother & if she had any manners she would have discussed this in person or talked to her son.
The future mother in law is has no class. How dare she think its her place to" school" her sons fiance on table manners or family finances! What a class-conscious prude! Don't overlook the comment about how unfortunate it is that her son loves this woman! What a sad person, alienating people that she should love and NUTURE!
Yea,touch of Hyacinth "Buckets" behaviour methinks. :)
my wife is a bitch!! sorry about this
The mother-in-law comes off a a bitch in this exchange, but let's just note that the bride (or fiance... I doubt this wedding will happen) shared the complete email exchange. No doubt this email is the result of a snarky exchange that just got worse and worse. The MIL is being snotty, but it sounds like she has some valid complaints - although it's not her place to correct them.
Her letter comes down to this:
Don't be a pig - show you have basic table manners. Don't sleep all day when you are a guest in your future in-laws house (i should learn from this).
Don't insult your future family in public (duh!).
Write Thank You notes (that is unrealistic... It's not 1947 Ms Manners).
Stop showing off and acting like an ass.
Stop spending my money on your stupid wedding.
Except for demanding a written thank you note, her comments aren't that bad.
Both have issues certainly. Neither came out looking good. An email exchange like this didn't come from nowhere. Assuming MIL is a reasonably normal person and not a crazy bXXXX to start with, the situation must have been escalating for quite a while for her to lash out like this. Before everyone continue to attack MIL, note that she was not stopping the marriage, like she would if she were a real bXXXX. She loves her son and respects his decision and was merely setting up some (reasonable) ground rules for DIL to follow so she doesn't walk all over them when she joins the family.
As a MIL and a hostess for DIL's visit, she had every right to expect a certain level courtesy and respect in return for her hospitality. I will even say that personally I am ok with the written TY note if I knew that will make her happy. It's a small gesture with a nice personal touch.
Oh BTW, yes, although all her points were valid, MIL did get a bit overboard with some of the other personal attacks in the letter.
I must be a celeb then -- I got married in a castle. Small number of guests, large castle.
Am I the only one who thinks the bride to be is completely high maintenance? Being married at a castle sounds cool, but do you really want to start married life out in that much debt? Although I do love the "you regularly draw attention to yourself" line....again pointing out a high maintenance woman...and eventually a cheater. Trash as you will, but take a moment and think about it...anyone in the mental health field will tell you it's true.
He's marrying his mother!!!!
Castles are drafty and overrated, yo!
Freddie Mercury LIVES! But he's forgotten who he really is! So he's Freddie Bourne, getting married to a WOMAN!
Don't stop him now, he's having such a good time ...
im learning how to behave with this letter its very helpful..i guess if i'll have a daughter i should save money for her wedding at an early age;) thnx
this makes me giggle i can almost pee on my seat.
my ex-bfs mom is SO MUCH LIKE THIS. i wake up late w/ the airconditioning on, they get mad at me. i just find out about it.. from him.
i stay up late to watch tv..i find out about it.
i do not declare hunger or get helpings. i just dont , would rather not eat.
there are things simple enough, just try to avoid trouble.
being around her is very stressful..but she isnt a bad person. its just how she is. altho it doesnt mean its conventionally acceptable.
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