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Invisible Children founder arrested after being visibly drunk and naked in San Diego

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Kony 2012 video! Child soldiers! Change your Facebook status to save Uganda! That's what the internet was all like this week. And, depending on the slow heat-death of your morals (or your internal bullshit detector), you were either moved to tears by the plight of child soldiers in Africa, or you saw a bunch of white people holding guns and trying desperately to look tough.

Well, as H.L. Mencken once said, "Even the most noble of intentions ends with public masturbation." [citation needed] Invisible Children co-founder Jason Russell was detained in San Diego on Thursday vandalizing cars and masturbating in public.

Now, he wasn't arrested per se, but detained on the classic 5150 section of California Penal Code, meaning authorities can hold Russell for up to three days to determine if he represents a threat to himself or others. 

Naturally, the company has opted for the evergreen "exhaustion" excuse. 

"Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition. He is now receiving medical care and is focused on getting better. The past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate incident yesterday."

So. Now it's Internet Analysis Time. Here goes.

Sadness. Imperialism. High hopes. Sanctimoniousness. Horn-rimmed glasses. Tragedy. Child soldiers. Carl Weathers. Facebook. Internet. New media. Exhaustion. Fin.

And that's why they pay me the big bucks, folks. Anyway, all I'm taking away from this is that the next time I'm naked, drunk, and waving my penis at traffic, it's not because I'm a pathologically attention-seeking rageaholic with a tenuous grasp on personal hygiene, it's because I've been working really hard.