Judge rules Twitter stalking is a constitutionally-protected right

Finally, some proof that all those hateful tweets you've been directing at Brent Spiner aren't as creepy as they sound. Granted, they're still disturbing, but not illegal! Today a judge ruled that although Twitter stalking may be "uncomfortable," it's a constitutionally protected right.

The ruling came after William Lawrence Cassidy, the man every internet public service announcement has cautioned you to avoid, posted over 8,000 "menacing" tweets directed at a Buddhist religious leader named Alyce Zeoli via pseudonyms. Cassidy tweeted gems like "Ya like haiku? Here's one for ya. Long limb, sharp saw, hard drop" — a tweet whose least offensive quality is that it isn't actually a haiku.

In his ruling, the judge assigned to Cassidy's case reasoned that while the tweets were definitely threatening, Twitter is an anonymous public message board, so it's all good: 

"While Mr. Cassidy's speech may have inflicted substantial emotional distress, the government's indictment here is directed squarely at protected speech: anonymous, uncomfortable Internet speech addressing religious matters." 

So tweet away, ya maladjusted jerks! Just make sure Brent doesn't catch you going through his trash again — that's trespassing no matter how you slice it.