Links: Five Craigslist Missed Connections ads I will probably never get

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If you think your dating life is a total crap-shoot, check out these missed connections from let me just go ahead and highlight the best one:

"You: Walking down the street carrying a bag of groceries. Tripped and fell. Unleashed a stream of profanity. In front of a family of Mennonites.
Me: Charmed. Shoot me an email."

Or, if you're just looking for a no-strings hook-up, you could just coerce the person who accidentally dialed you number to send you naked pics and see how it goes.

If you're into the whole "Shit _____ says" meme, you're going to love this next video! It's "Shit Indonesian Crackheads Say To Blue Whales." No, wait, my bad: it's a compilation of every D'oh! Homer Simpson has said for twenty years. The best part is, not only can I identify every single episode in the compilation, but also where I was when I watching said episode.

Oh man, remember that awesome band Toaster 'n' Moose? Oh, no? Then you probably haven't seen the video for their hit single "Taste the Biscuit". It's kind of like if every mom and dad on earth got together and produced aural poison. It reminds me of Sunday night when I was a kid.

All right, get your head out of your lap and look at Sterling Archer Draper Pryce, the Tumblr that mashes-up together Mad Men and Archer. It's a high-octane dosage of man slammed straight to your dome.

And finally, check out this graphic charting the ratio of single men to single women in New York City. Gentlemen, might I suggest you check out the Upper East Side, where the ratio of single women to single men is nearly two to one? And ladies, if I were you, I'd head to Jackson Heights, Queens, where there are nearly 1.7 men for every woman.