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Links: Macho Man Randy Savage dies

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Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages: it is with no trace of sarcasm or snark that I report the passing of "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Though not as mainstream as Hulk Hogan or as ubiquitous as Andre the Giant, Savage was truly a product of wrestling's golden age, before it got all gritty and Aronofsky-esque. His wraparound sunglasses and flying elbow were emblematic of a sport and a time when we as a nation we more innocent and believed in the simple truths spoken to us by men in tights. Rest in peace, Macho Man.

Moby has always been the skim (or perhaps soy) milk of techno artists — watery, inoffensive, and possessing little nutritional value. And so, you would think he'd be getting used to unkind words by now, whether from Eminem or Gawker users. But no, his porcelain, stubbly, and most likely easily bruised (literally, not metaphorically) skin hasn't gotten any thicker.

Those of you craving mustaches, or simply yearning to be transported back to a simpler time in America, should really check out Hot Line: The Letters I Get (and Write) by Burt Reynolds. My personal favorite is a letter from a "Proud Mom" who tells Mr. Reynolds that not only is their daughter a doctor-certified "one in 5000," she's also "still a good girl — if you get what I mean."

Those of you who are married — what did you do at your wedding? I don't care, because whatever it was, unless it involved knife-fighting or fire, it was not as cool as this couple, who enter their reception to "For Whom the Bell Tolls" before playing "Master of Puppets." This video is endlessly funny, partially because of the groom's hilarious Hetfield-isms, but mostly because the happy couple was once part of a Metallica band entirely composed of Asians called — wait for it — "Trapped Under Rice."

Finally, here are some pictures you absolutely must look at before the world ends tomorrow. Personally, I think Vladmir Putin is a lot more appealing when he's swimming with dolphins, rather than bare-knuckle boxing with bears or bow-hunting tigers or whatever it is the Kremlin would have us believe he does with his spare time.