Osama bin Laden's will was released yesterday. In it, he encourages his wives not to remarry, to show their commitment to him (shocker), and in a surprising move, urges his (dozens) of children to avoid the jihad. He apologizes to them for being unable to spend more time with them, as he "chose a path fraught with dangers and endured hardships, disappointment, and betrayal."
Women of the world, if you're tired of men looking at your breasts and want to do some leering in return, this is the list for you: The Sexy Summer Codpiece Quiz. See how well you do.
On a brighter note, it's Cinco de Mayo! And because this is the internet, here's a cat to demonstrate the proper way to celebrate the holiday.
And finally, in keeping with made-up holidays that are really just about drinking, here's a hilarious story about passing out. Enjoy.