Newt Gingrich

Today news broke that Newt Gingrich will officially announce his intent to run for President this week. This news is confirmation of his perceived interest, and fleshes out what the GOP pool may look like come next year. I just can't wait for this guy to try to run on "values."

In celebration of Nasty Newt putting his turtle in the race, here are "The Ten Most Important Things Newt Gingrich Has Ever Said." My favorite quote: "It's going to be a bummer if Mars turns out to be like us." You're right, Newt. It'd really suck if decades of NASA research were completely wrong and there was a dude just like you walking around on Mars.

Speaking of NASA, they only have two shuttle launches left and, apparently, they have no plans of even taking applications for more astronauts. So, it is time for you to take a long, hard look in the mirror and decide whether or not you want to take up Russian and move across the world just so you can be an astronaut. Here's a flowchart to help you with your decision.

And finally, some sad news for fellow lovers of words, the power they possess, and the points they can gain you in a rousing game of Scrabble. The official Scrabble word-list now contains words like "innit," "thang," and "Myspace." Not classy, Scrabble. Not classy at all.

Commentarium (16 Comments)

May 09 11 - 7:41pm
Gazbo

Just look at the "GRAVITAS" in that expression - and I hear he's an intellectual too. At last a real grownup for the White House.
Perfectly positioned for political chumming, he's guaranteed to throw buckets of blood in the water.

May 09 11 - 8:06pm
mr. man

obama's been a disappointment but i can't resist making fun of the fact that the republicans haven't got a credible candidate or thought among their whole chumbucket. and yes, gazbo above inspired a chum reference. thanks gaz

May 10 11 - 12:48pm
Gazbo

Lovely compliment; you're totally welcome. You're also exactly right that they don't have a thought. The whole republican project is nothing more than another attempt at rationalizing atavism. No deep thought required or even welcome.

May 09 11 - 9:03pm
ADD

Gingrich is truly an intellectual I can get behind. Obama has been a total disappointment.

May 09 11 - 9:32pm
JohnGaltstone

@Publius, masquerading as ADD, after ADD beat Publius/JohnGalt silly with the facts in the Atlas Shrugged thread.

Shut up, Publius.

The real ADD proved you were full of shit on the supposed influence of Atlas Shrugged. The best you can do is move on to the next article and continue your impersonation game? What a baby. And yes, for your amusement, I'll call you a fucking baby too, you fucking baby.

May 09 11 - 10:02pm
ADD

Why, thank you, JohnGaltstone. Not that I need to say it, but of course, you're right.

May 09 11 - 11:50pm
ADD

I particularly liked, JohnGaltstone, how I'd say, "that proves nothing" to everything JohnGalt would say. He tried to get me to prove what I was saying but that sounded hard so I tried to taunt him instead. He wouldn't go for it though. It was like he didn't really care what I thought. Kind of hurt my feelings but then you called him a fucking baby. That had to do it, man. No one can take that kind of abuse.

May 10 11 - 8:26am
ADD

My John PubGalt, here you are, cute as ever. Next thing you know he'll be talking about my mother, because that's how Publius/John Galt runs his civil discussions. Impressive.

May 10 11 - 8:28am
ADD

You do know that people can go back, read our posts and find out what actually happened, right?

May 09 11 - 11:37pm
Publius

Huh? Gingrich isn't conservative enough for my taste. Add to that he supported legislation to limit CO2, and he's out as a serious contender.

Shut up, moi? It's easy being tough across the Internet, isn't it?

And more creative use of the word "fucking." Towering, undeniable genius. You must be quite the figure at your high school.

May 10 11 - 3:24am
Appears To Be

I don't understand why 100 percent of the American public doesn't see how scummy this guy is

May 10 11 - 6:31pm
profrobert

Because, sadly, a large percentage of Americans are as or more scummy than he is.

May 10 11 - 12:49pm
Kel

Nice that he's drafting his current wife as his campaign partner. Hope she doesn't get cancer or anything else Newt considers grounds for cheating and divorce.

May 10 11 - 2:27pm
Bo

Don't try to make Newt live by your morals!

Aug 29 11 - 7:08am
Gildas

Too many comlpietmns too little space, thanks!