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Listen: Confused, infatuated girl drunk dials wrong number

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Remember the days when you could drunk dial without the fear of having your sloppy, uninhibited babbling wind up in a YouTube video with the words transcribed in bright, colorful text? If you can, cherish those days, because they ain't comin' back.

An audio recording of a girl named "Dominic," or, more likely, "Dominique," who is seemingly infatuated with a guy named "Ryan," and his "little shirt and lil' pants," is on the cusp of a serious viral outbreak. The poor girl, on a weekend night out, was apparently given a fake number by "Ryan" who, possibly sensing a potential stage-five clinger, claimed he had indigestion and bailed. The riddle of whether the girl works at eBay, Jamba Juice, or a Jamba Juice at, or near, eBay has the internet buzzing with theories. Either way, I can envision a new hit single for Das Racist entitled, "Combination eBay and Jamba Juice." But not "Ryan" and "Dominic" teaching their daughter "Eunice" how to work a yo-yo.