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Megaupload co-founder released on bail and banned from the internet

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Megaupload co-founder Mathias Ortmann was released on bail from a New Zealand jail today. With a bank account brimming at just over $20 million, Ortmann is probably in better spirits than his former partner, Kim Dotcom (yes, he changed his name), who remains in jail. (Hopefully Mr. Dotcom is still following his dreams of file sharing in the clink by helping inmates share shoddily written love letters on toilet paper with one another. That's a pretty solid guarantee of protection.) Not that he should feel too secure about that $20 million right now.

One of the conditions of Ortmann's bail is that he's banned from all corners of the internet — no 4chan, no Reddit, no Wikipedia, and no Facebook. This, of course, leaves him doomed for a lifetime of playing Solitaire and rekindling his love for the utterly confusing Myst. What does one do with a life sans internet? My first choice would be circumnavigating planet Earth and learning about foreign cultures, while the second would be suicide. Ortmann may get to do at least half of the former; the FBI is trying to use international law to extradite the four Megaupload defendants to trial in the United States. If only Ortmann could use his precious internet to buy a private island, and then a helicopter to escape to same!