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In these woeful economic times it's nice to know that some people are doing just fine; that while the rest of us plod grimly along, the upper crust is still crispy. If you're part of that rare flock and can afford to burn a thousand bucks every time you meet someone halfway interesting in a coffee shop, the diamond-encrusted business card may be for you!
As we've learned in recent years, basically anything, from sunglasses to genitalia, can be encrusted with diamonds. But that level of classy doesn't come cheap. The custom-designed cards, which are made from "precision cast acrylic fabricated in Switzerland" and studded with tiny diamonds, tend to run around $1,534 dollars per card, with a set of 30 cards containing roughly 30 carats.
But surely that's worth it to impress that model or or business contact. He or she will know you're a keeper because the card "elegantly embodies the holder's wealth, power and status in society." It's the only business card that says, "Not only am I a huge asshole, I'm an incredibly well-off asshole and possibly a member of the Illuminati." It's the only business card that says, "I clean my soiled parts with $100 bills."
Do you want one yet? Well, tough. The cards, you see, are exclusive. On the homepage of the vaguely illicit-sounding manufacturer, Black Astrum, a video pans seductively across the glittering, onyx surface of their sole product, offering little more than an email address and the titillating come-on: "By Invitation Only."
If all of this seems a tad ridiculous, that's probably because these diamond tickets aren't meant for job-hunting mortals who'll never have a cryogenically-frozen head. They're intended for the Davos-going world-eaters who command awed profiles in glossy magazines where they're referred to with continental sobriquets like macher. Or at least that's the image of their clientele that such luxury-porn brands try to promote. So rest assured, if you splash out for this card, you have the manufacturer's guarantee that you are in fact special:
"Our small yet loyal team of craftsmen are dedicated to providing products befitting our members' standing in society. Our business cards are crafted to recognise this status and provide a product unique to the select few, yet distinctive to anyone that should receive one."
Hell, even the gnomes who make the cards are elite. The company goes on to proclaim that its craftsmen "work in the leafy suburbs of the Royal County of Berkshire, England," where they no doubt take their wine-powered Aston Martins to work and lunch on tiger steaks.
Whatever happened to just diving into a pit of money?