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New morbid Facebook app called “If I Die” exists for when you don’t anymore

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Now with this new Facebook app, thinking about death is fun again! Or that's what the video introducing "If I Die" seems to be implying, anyway. With its soothing, light-blue color scheme, cartoony graphics, and music evoking those mobile things attached to babies' cribs, you almost forget how fucking weird it actually would be to sit alone at your webcam and film a video that will only be published (as the British narrator enunciates) "aftah you die."

Maybe it's just me — I've been told that I'm an old soul (but more likely just internet-stupid and crabby). But I think we can all agree that life has gotten unnatural enough with social networking. Can't we leave death alone for now? Do we really want the legacy we leave behind after we die to be a probably-inarticulate, embarrassing, and self-indulgent rant captured by our MacBook cameras, displayed under the tacky bubble font and the strange blue blob-people of the "If I Die" app?

And I'm sure that far too many people would use it just to spit vitriol, spite their enemies, and further desecrate whatever good merit they managed to hustle for themselves while they were alive. Most human beings generally have bad judgment at least fifty percent of the time, right? And you're dead when that "If I Die" video goes up. There's no turning back. No deleting. No Ctrl-Z. Basically, the internet freaks me out, and though I will continue to write for it, the day that I create a video to posthumously haunt everyone in my life is the day that the internet has won. I don't know what it wins, but I just can't let it!