Now with this new Facebook app, thinking about death is fun again! Or that's what the video introducing "If I Die" seems to be implying, anyway. With its soothing, light-blue color scheme, cartoony graphics, and music evoking those mobile things attached to babies' cribs, you almost forget how fucking weird it actually would be to sit alone at your webcam and film a video that will only be published (as the British narrator enunciates) "aftah you die."

Maybe it's just me — I've been told that I'm an old soul (but more likely just internet-stupid and crabby). But I think we can all agree that life has gotten unnatural enough with social networking. Can't we leave death alone for now? Do we really want the legacy we leave behind after we die to be a probably-inarticulate, embarrassing, and self-indulgent rant captured by our MacBook cameras, displayed under the tacky bubble font and the strange blue blob-people of the "If I Die" app?

And I'm sure that far too many people would use it just to spit vitriol, spite their enemies, and further desecrate whatever good merit they managed to hustle for themselves while they were alive. Most human beings generally have bad judgment at least fifty percent of the time, right? And you're dead when that "If I Die" video goes up. There's no turning back. No deleting. No Ctrl-Z. Basically, the internet freaks me out, and though I will continue to write for it, the day that I create a video to posthumously haunt everyone in my life is the day that the internet has won. I don't know what it wins, but I just can't let it!

Tags Facebook

Commentarium (21 Comments)

Jan 09 12 - 10:48pm
Lillianna

Oh dear god. Make it stop. Let's market off everyone's fear of death and make even that a computerized experience! Weehaw!!

Feb 13 12 - 6:11pm
captcha

Nothing is sacred and everything can be exploited now, used and abused for commercial purposes. But then, there's a sucker born every minute.

Jan 10 12 - 11:49am
Miked00d

I had a friend die suddenly and almost everyone who knew him expressed their grief on his facebook wall, or on the group that was created in his memory. This is probably a bad idea 50% of the time, but I do know that getting closure when death happens suddenly is a very hard thing to do- these videos might help.

Feb 13 12 - 10:59am
Reese

Friends expressing their grief is something else, Mike00d. But someone expressing something beyond the grave IN FACEBOOK is just banal and tasteless. If you wanna leave a video message knowing you will die soon, best to leave it to your family and close friends. What the hell is wrong with privacy people??

Jan 12 12 - 8:05am
Mark

Very interesting, especially if they allow for privet messages.

Feb 13 12 - 10:52am
jenny

This application is definitely for the attention seekers out there. Those peeps who know that they spent their lives trying to be somebody and will only be somebody once they said their piece and die. Pathetic. Leave a last will and testament to your loved ones and not to a social network where you think you will gain sympathy by posting something that is meant to be private!

Feb 13 12 - 11:02am
MarineOfficer

Couldn't agree with you more jenny. How can you trust an application with a wrong grammar? It should be "When I Die" and not "If I Die". We will all die anyway.

Feb 13 12 - 11:05am
Owen68

Stupid people don't care if the app has wrong grammar or not. Stupid people will always try stupid apps like these.

Feb 13 12 - 11:22am
James

haha! i know someone who's gonna use this and it shows in her timeline profile. and guess what? she is an attention seeking biatch for real.

Feb 13 12 - 11:08am
WhatDHell

As if I won't have enough to regret on my deathbed, now I'll worry someone's going to activate that video I forgot I recorded way back in 2012 and my final words will be "Hopefully by the time you watch this NBC has brought back 'Community.'"

Feb 13 12 - 11:11am
Phyllis

If i remember it right, a whole lot of people dissed this application in several blogs last year. Thank god there are a whole lot of sensible people who think this application is as stupid as it is useless.

Feb 13 12 - 11:13am
lauren CA.

In the future, I hope Facebook creates a Dislike button. I'd definitely click it if i see someone using this morbid sh*t.

Feb 13 12 - 11:29am
nouhad45

Liking your comment lauren CA. :)

Feb 13 12 - 12:11pm
kim

'oh since i'm such a wimp and can't tell my boss what a loser he is, i'll use this app, post it on facebook and he can't get back at me' ... dumbass, the boss will just laugh at ya and shag your wife when you die.

Feb 13 12 - 6:03pm
freud

definitely something for the angst ridden. For those left out seeking compassion they believe they never had in their lives. And those with a penchant for suicidal thoughts.

Feb 13 12 - 6:27pm
James Schellhorn

If you set an example in life, what need is there to leave a message after death. Everyone should ALREADY know who you are what you want to leave them with... Unless, of course, you want to 'settle an old score' as the the app developers suggest. Seems like the value of this app is in question...

Feb 13 12 - 6:49pm
Annette

Isn't it always best to say I Love You to the living and feel the love back while you're still alive? Isn't it fair for those you're leaving behind that you bequeathed them with something without others knowing? If you don't value your privacy in death then at least value the privacy of those still living. Unless you have a chip on your shoulder and need to say something against someone and can only do it after you die...then that is indeed such a cowardly act.

Feb 13 12 - 8:07pm
rick

I bet a million prisoners on death row will use this app just to record "It wasn't me!"

Feb 14 12 - 1:15pm
Clayton

Cheer up guys. There is a Hide and Unsubscribe function in facebook.

Feb 14 12 - 1:17pm
Annette

Thank God for that!

Feb 14 12 - 1:21pm
nouhad45

I'd click spam!