New “Fan Mail” app lets you live out your sad fantasies of being famous

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The sad truth of the world is: we can't all be Lady Gaga. Or depending on your taste, James Murphy, or Regina Spektor. Whatever. However, in this lovely world fueled by narcissism and self-congratulation, we get to broadcast our lives on various platforms to people who might care (but probably don't.)

If you are lacking the attention and sycophantic accolades you feel you deserve, fret not. There's now an app called Fan Mail, available on your iPhone for the low price of ninety-nine cents. For less than a dollar, you can receive a daily barrage of computer-generated texts and emails — fake fan mail telling you you're an inspiration, hero to millions, and generally a rock star.

Now, I'd like to be supportive, and say to you that you shouldn't need a blandly written note from a computer program to affirm that you're likable and worthwhile, and that one day you will be cool, but if you're even considering this app… there's only so much I can do.

That being said, this is still a less embarrassing method of gaining "notoriety" than appearing on The Bachelorette.