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Federal agents now using Urban Dictionary to bust criminals

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Federal agents have arrested an Indiana man, Justin Kemble, on a pair of felony charges after Kemble threatened a man from a local gun store who reported Kemble to the ATF. Kemble — rather stupidly, it should be said — came into the Midwest Gun Exchange and asked one of the employees if it was a problem that his gun's serial number was filed off. (Um, yes. And why point it out?) The employee told his boss, his boss told the feds, and Kemble lost his illegal firearm that he pretty much surrendered, for some reason. But was Kimble okay with this? No! And like all people who want to stay out of trouble, he decided to go on a Facebook posting spree, starting off with "ATF just took 1 of my guns :(." Sad face, indeed.

It's not yet possible to be arrested for ridiculous emoticon use, though, and it was when Kemble decided to post on the wall of Midwest Gun Exchange that his troubles began. (Well, different troubles began. That gun thing had already happened.) Because even if they didn't quite know what he was saying when he wrote "that 1 fag in there got my pistol confiscated, i got plenty of other guns but i want to murk that cocksucker," they figured it probably didn't mean "cook a nice meal." (Context clues probably helped, though I know more than one person who uses "cocksucker" as a term of endearment.)

Naturally, the ATF agents turned to the only reliable source for definitions: Urban Dictionary, where they found out that "murk" means "to physically beat someone so severely, they end up dying from their injuries." And so Kemble was arrested for making death threats. Oh, Justin: if only you had gone on to the site and added a thirtieth or so definition, like "to buy someone a kitten" or "to crochet someone a hat." Maybe that would have been enough to save yourself. (Probably not.) But it looks like protesters and flash mobbers aren't the only ones using non-traditional media to get the job done anymore.